Spaces

A long ways back I wrote a longish poem about the spaces between us all. The feelings of that poem stay with me.

We like our personal space, it is a way we assert our individuality which we so painfully build as we emerge from childhood to adulthood. Few of us have ever reexamined the necessity of that space in later years. Its as if we fear that if we relax the boundaries a bit we'll fall back into childish helplessness.

Adulthood is spent with a good deal of anxiety about being lonely. Why? Because we only touch at a distance, true intimacy is risky and increases our emotional vulnerability. Children love without boundaries. Adults erect walls everywhere. We are secure in our little isolated islands.

But what if we did fore-go the walls? What would happen?  We could find that a lot of people are sociopaths who will rob us of all that we value. That's got to be the worst scenario. But wait, don't we have that problem now? Sociopaths are the ones who take from everyone else and put it behind their own wall. If 'normal' healthy people stopped erecting walls, wouldn't the few sociopaths keeping their walls be clearly visible? Maybe then we could finally wall them off from the rest of us and live less lonely, most connected lives. Maybe we could love without boundaries and live without fear.

The poem is called "If". Its' here on this blog. Let's tear down the wall.

Our phobic life

When entrepreneurs tell their stories a common thread is that they didn't start businesses to get rich. The successful do gain wealth but they say it was never their goal. In fact, many sell their newly successful businesses to other more mundane managers just as they are growing quickly. They have found that what really gets them excited is creation of a new thing or a new relationship.

We're not all entrepreneurs, they are an uncommon skill set but we are creative in unique ways most of which won't make us rich, powerful or famous. That bit of wisdom is merely a comment on how screwed up our economic lives are, not on the value of the creations. After all, if you create a song, a poem, a painting, a decoration, a bauble or a curious mind in just one person isn't that success?

In six decades of more or less regular breathing, a few lessons have penetrated; one being that almost everyone is born curious and creative. Tragically the majority have it trained out of their active lives by inflexible parents, jealous peers, an eduction system that values uniformity, socialization and a work world that wants to determine ones value by a short list of qualities. A few persist with the motivation, courage and originality they were blessed with and make our lives the better for it. How much better would it be if more did?

What is it that kills the curiosity and creativity? Mostly an abundance or fear and risk avoidance. We live our lives as we would walk through a mine field. We carefully consider every step, searching for anything unexpected that might be a threat. We carefully step only where others have already stepped. It's called risk avoidance behavior. It comes from fear, the message of our primitive lizard brain. In simple animals it keeps the animal alive, but how many creative lizards do you know? It  may control their lives but should it control ours? We live in a world where we are extremely unlikely to become prey or starve to death because we don't find our own food.

Keeping in mind that our inner lizard has some vestigial usefulness such as keeping us from walking in front of buses or falling down manholes, we need to put the fear out to the center of our views and stop living like phobic neurotics. Be creative. Take risks. Be curious. Live.

Teaching By the Spirit - D&C 42 and the Manuals

Adapted from another's blog: (beginningsnew)

Teaching By the Spirit: D&C 42:12-14 and the Manuals

I have been doing some work on D&C 42:12-14 and I wanted to test out my thoughts here.

A perpetual complaint about the programs is: the manuals. They are out of date, they have problematic assumptions about the roles, they don't have much "meat" to them, etc.

Today I'm going to take a look at D&C 42:12-14 and how it relates specifically to the manuals.

D&C 42:12-14 are one of the usual places we go for the idea of "teaching by the Spirit." Verse 12 commands that we teach "the principles of my gospel, which are in the Bible and the Book of Mormon." In verse 13, this is qualified by two things: one, observe the covenants and church articles (all those duties in section 20, to be precise) and two, teach "as they shall be directed by the Spirit." Finally, verse 14 adds how to get the Spirit: "the Spirit shall be given unto you by the prayer of faith" and what to do if it doesn't come: "if ye receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach."

Now, let's apply this to teaching.

First, the heart of teaching in any classroom in the church, according to verse 12, ought to be the scriptures. In the scriptures we find the principles of the gospel, and the fulness of the gospel. Any question we have, or our students may have, will be found in there. It may take time and thought to work through those scriptures, but they are in there. Using scripture, relying on scripture, teaching the students to read their scriptures: these will accomplish our ultimate goals of learning and living the gospel.

Second, all of this is conditioned by being "directed by the Spirit." What form does this take, exactly? Understanding the Spirit is the greatest and hardest thing to learn and to teach. Looking at D&C 20:45, which quotes from Moroni 6:9, may give us a few clues, however. When Moroni talks about the elders conducting meetings according to the Spirit, he lists a few things they may be lead to do: preach, exhort, pray, supplicate, or sing. I don't think this applies just to an elder conducting a sacrament meeting in early Utah history. I think a teacher in a classroom today also has these options available: a teacher might feel impressed to exhort members to keep a commandment just discussed in the scriptures. Or, a teacher might feel impressed to allow for some silent time to pray or ponder. A teacher might play music or ask the class to sing. Any of these things could take place, even during a time set a part for "teaching."

Another possibility comes from D&C 46, which came soon after D&C 42:12-14 and tried to clarify some things. In this section we get a list of the gifts of the Spirit. Here we read that everyone has spiritual gifts, and all the gifts are given to benefit each other. Many of these gifts are not things we would experience privately, but in a group setting. Perhaps one way to be open to the Spirit is to realize that every person in the room has access to the Spirit, not just us. A student can raise her hand and share an insight that came from the Spirit just as much as we can share our own thoughts by the Spirit. Also, D&C 46 encourages us to seek after all these gifts: of knowledge, wisdom, testimony, etc.

Third, we have to wonder, what if the Spirit doesn't come? What if we pray for a spiritual gift, but we don't receive it?  Does this mean we shouldn't teach? How do we make sense of that? Well, I certainly don't have the definitive answer but I have some ideas. It could be that we pray for help with our lesson outline, but the Spirit doesn't come because there is another way the Spirit wants us to spend the time in our classroom. Maybe spending time getting to know each other better or praying for someone in the class is actually where the Spirit is leading us, rather than the plan we had of opening up the scriptures and teaching a lesson. Another possibility is that we are praying for a spiritual gift or for the Spirit because we want our lesson to go well, or, we don't want to be embarrassed. D&C 46 cautioned that we can't seek after gifts as a sign, or to just to benefit ourselves (to "consume it upon their lusts" as D&C 46:9 puts it). Gifts have to be sought so that "all may be benefited." Perhaps sometimes we pray for the Spirit desperately, in hopes that the lesson won't feel like a flop. I know I've done that. It isn't in faith or in charity, but in despair and frustration. And certainly without the Spirit. I end up feeling like a said a few words, but I didn't really teach anything. Also, I think there are times where we see what we take to be a spiritual gift in another teacher (wow, his lessons are so spiritual. wow, the students really love her handouts. wow, what cool object lessons) and we try to imitate what he did rather than see what the Spirit wants us to do. When we try to force a "spiritual" lesson setting, we may be doing what D&C 46 and D&C 50 describe as following after spirits we couldn't understand. We may have had some "power" in our classroom, but it wasn't the Spirit - it was by "some other way."

So what do these three points have to do with the lesson manuals? Aren't we supposed to teach from them? And does the mere presence of lesson manuals somehow sabotage teaching by the Spirit?

First, permit me to again debunk something I've debunked before. Sticking to the "approved material" doesn't mean using the lesson outline line by line. Let me show this by looking right at the Introduction :

Elder M. Russell Ballard counseled: “Teachers would be well advised to study carefully the scriptures and their manuals before reaching out for supplemental materials." 

Note that he didn't say, "stick to the manual" but to the scriptures (first in the list!) and the manuals. The scriptures are not extraneous material, they are the primary material.

The basic foundation for the course is the scriptures. Encourage the young women to bring their copies of the standard works to class each week.

The "basic foundation" is the scriptures, not the manual. And the students should be learning right from them, every week.

Sometimes a [student] may give the correct answer in his own words without turning to the passage of scripture. When this occurs, ask additional questions to get him to read the scripture, for example, “How did Paul say it?” or “What additional insights can we gain from this passage?”

This is the real clincher for me. The instructions, in the manuals themselves, are to point to the scriptures as much and as thoroughly as possible. The answers are not in the teacher, not in the manual, but in the scriptures. I love the idea of asking the students what they learned by how it was said in the scriptures. It seems to me to encourage an open-ended discussion-based lesson time, where the students and the teacher are learning together.

And this encourages the teacher and the student to be open to how the Spirit might be guiding them. A student has as much access to the Spirit as we do. I hate to see answers overlooked because they don't match the ones in the manual. The students are thinking. They are intelligent. They are interesting. And the more we push them to think the more they will feel free to discuss the scriptures and to listen to any promptings they are receiving. And that's where the real truth is!

Left margin notations suggest teaching methods

Please note that the manuals "suggest" teaching methods. Otherwise, where is the Spirit? The object lesson, the stories, the handouts, these are all ideas. But it is up to you, the teacher, to seek the Spirit to know how it will direct you. Seek spiritual gifts. Think up ideas. But be ready to yield to wherever it seems the Spirit is leading the lesson, in the very moment.

So yes the manual is insufficient. Though it could be improved, would it ever be sufficient without the Spirit? Without a teacher seeking spiritual gifts? Without students who are thinking and receiving inspiration as well? The unfortunate thing is that too often, when teachers recognize that the manual is insufficient, they search the internet for supplements like cute handouts, sappy stories, or cool object lessons. Yes, these do dress things up a bit, but often only as a covering over an otherwise bland, Spirit-less lesson. (Elder Holland calls these sorts of things "spiritual twinkies.") These are not bad in themselves of course. A variety of teaching methods is great, but only as guided by the Spirit and not to make us look good (or to "entertain" the class - which is in essence the same thing). Seek first the Spirit, then all this is given to you. Then the Spirit can help you see that this group, this Sunday needs this song or that reminder. Or maybe a personal story. Or perhaps you are suddenly fascinated by how Alma discussed prayer and decide to spend the majority of the time on one chapter of scripture. Or after much prayer and thinking, you realize that nothing seems quite right, so you go into the classroom and see what surprises you. All of this is teaching by the Spirit. And I think it not only distracts us from the quality of the manual, it distracts us from ourselves. It isn't up to us to have a fantastic lesson. We point the students to the scriptures. We realize that God's work can actually happen in the classroom (and will!). God is in charge, we are just there for the ride!

A hard leap of faith. But I encourage you to try it. Trust the students. They will have a lot to say that will be inspiring. Trust the scriptures. The principles of the gospel are found there. Trust that God has a work He  is after, and we are just helping him. Rather than asking God to send the Spirit to help us with our plans, let us pray that we can help God with His plans.

Oh, and one more thing: let me know how it goes. :)

Things of My Soul: Finding Your Blessed Abnormality

Things of My Soul: Finding Your Blessed Abnormality

CuriousCity: Yeah, and all that

CuriousCity: Yeah, and all that: It's true, I'm a hippie. Have been since a particularly good day in 1965. I like diversity and mixing of cultures. The natural and the ...

Cognitive dissonance is the prelude to learning

Cognitive dissonance is the prelude to learning.The more confused you are, the more ready you are to learn a better way.

Understanding your role is less important than being you.

When thoughts go in circles it's time to dance, not march.

No amount of studying of ancient texts, meditation or prayer will tell you what direction to go when you don't know what you'll do when you get there.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" was his response.
"I don't know", Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat, "it doesn't matter.”

When we get no answer to a prayer, the answer may be "do what you think is best".

Fear creates confusion and paralysis.

Don't ask "who am I?", be who you want to be.

Fictions, romances and dramas are never real. They are a way of imagining, a way of pondering our self. We never find our dream mate, we find a messed up, imperfect, insecure, confused and guilt-ridden partner who surprises us with respect, love and devotion.


We are complex, there are no simple explanations of who we are.
Be careful in unmasking people. Sometimes they are only the mask.
The purpose of life is to understand the purpose of life is to understand the purpose of life. Otherwise it's just make babies and die quietly.

Be!  
You can't see yourself in a mirror. When you look really closely at your reflection you don't see the back of your head. The back of your head only exists in another mirror.

Who would Jesus be?

There is an answer to the question but we've forgotten what we asked.

If eternal happiness begins after death then it's not eternal is it?

Happiness in 10 steps

1. Happiness comes from being in touch with who you are. Yeah, that squirmy self you do your best to hide is your key to happiness. Your parents gave you a bucket of genes and box of neuroses. You may be serotonin starved, endorphin addicted and histamine overloaded. You may know how to feel guilty about a clear sunrise, may be able to add 20 pounds to that shape in the mirror without breaking a sweat and feel like 2+2 is beyond your grasp. Secret: it doesn't matter, happiness is relative. When you move just a step toward the beautiful, smart, calm, insightful and charming person you want to be, your day is a success. Call it a day and declare happiness.

2. Do happy. Do what makes you feel good about what you've done.

3. Use Emotional Intelligence - Learn to trust your emotional instincts. Happiness comes when you take an emotional risk and don't end up as a lump of ground meat. Your emotional brain is smarter than your lizard brain (the one that tells you to not take risks). Learn to listen to your smart parts.

4. Take Care of Your Body - Sunshine makes you feel better. Vitamin D helps you feel alive. A little bit of good food makes you feel better than buckets of empty foods. If you don't get joy from making the food, the food isn't good for you. Exercise like a little kid. Run because you like being fast. Jump because you feel like you fly.

5. Build resilience - Bad stuff happens. It happens to all of us. Don't waste your day asking "why?". Scream, cry hysterically, pound the wall one time, then move onto something that will make you happier.

6. Find pleasure in life - remember life is a song, a dance, a ride, a leap. It is not hitting the best last note, the best final pose, the destination or the other side. Happiness comes from good experiences, so experience the good.
Discover something new. Learn a new thing each day. Go to bed smarter than when you awoke.

7. Act Happy - You don't get strong by wishing you had big muscles. You don't get happy by wishing you had happiness. Practice being happy. Try new experiences. Talk to new people. Do new things. Keep the ones that help you be happy. Listen to music, all kinds; find beauty in things that aren't your current favorites. Make music. Even 'stupid' music makes people smile. Dance randomly. You'll be amazed how happy people get if you do a little dance or sing a little song at dull moments. Your excuse is always "I just feel so happy I have to dance/sing/quote Shakespeare/draw sidewalk art". That makes those around happier and you get happier when they do.

8. Live life - Make a difference. Help those you see be a little happier. Your goal is to have others say,"he made me feel good about myself", and " she makes me feel happier when she is around".
Don't do what others expect you to do. Understand what is morally good to you. Live your moral principles, not someone else's. Your parents won't always be watching, find a moral code that makes a positive contribution to your life and to the lives of those you connect with.

9. Be honest - speak your thoughts and desires in a kindly way. You have value. Put "you" out on the stage of life as truthfully as you can. Get passionate about culture, politics, justice and community.

10. Know who you are - you are stronger, smarter, prettier, funnier, kinder, wiser than you think you are. Put the doubts away and be your best. Nobody ever lost a friend for being too smart, attractive, funny, kind, wise or loving. Yes, this repeats #1. Happiness is a cycle. Plan how to be happy, Do what you plan 100%, Check if you are happier, Act on what you learn. Repeat.