Looking into the pit

I have stage fright. I didn't think I still did. I thought I had left it behind with the girls I never asked out, the journeys not taken and the paths never chosen. Nope.

Some of you know I've been taking weekly music lessons, the over-the-top gift from mdw, who undoubtedly was as frustrated with my directionless hours with guitar as I was. So now, I've got direction but at a cost. My teacher (above) tells me the next step is public performance. Really public. Not invite the family and close friends but a real public venue. Scary. Stand-up with a band and play scary.


I am a mixed up bag of talents: comfortable in harmony or music theory, no songs memorized, quick to learn progressions, still struggling with finger position: I can reach four frets at the low end of the neck (I need five) but with fingers too fat at the bridge end. Kind of like skating in gravel.

I'm not feeling ready but I want to do it. Really, I've had enough practice playing the fool, looking silly should be no challenge. My goal is to do it about a month from now. Maybe something bluesy.

Trouble in Mind

D7 D7 D7 A7 D7 A7 Trouble in mind, Lord I'm blue D7 G7 But I won't be blue al-ways D7 B7 E7 A7 D7 The sun is gonna shine in my door, shine in my back door someday    D7 lick (G G# A7) I'm gonna lay, lay my head On that lonesome railroad line And let the 2:19 train ease my troubled mind Trouble in mind, well Lord I'm blue now I won't be blue al-ways The sun is gonna shine in my door, shine in my back door someday    instrumental break I'm going down, goin' down to the river I'm going to bring some wine that I can share And if these blues don't leave me, Lord, I'll have to ride away from here Trouble in mind, trouble in mind I'm blue now But I won't be blue always And that sun's gonna shine in my, lord, shine in my back door someday I'm all alone - I'm alone at midnight And the lamp is burning low I've never had so much trouble, in my whole life ever before Trouble in mind, Lord I'm blue now But I won't be blue always And that wind's gonna come - it's gonna blow my blues away...

Chords: D7 G7 B7 E7 A7 G#7 D lick (G)(G#)A7 e |-5--3--7--7--5---4------------------------ B |-7--3--7--9--5---4------------------------ G |-5--4--8--7--6---5----7---7---7----------- D |-7--3--7--9--5---4---7-7-6-6-5-5-4-------- A |-5--5--9--7--7---6------------------------ E |----3--7-----5---4-----------------3-4-5--

[to be continued]

Music - the seduction

I thought I was pretty much normal when I was in fifth and sixth grade. I listened to top forty music on the radio. That was 61/62 the music was Chubby Checker, Del Shannon, Everly Brothers,.
 
Runaway  was a favorite,

as was Locomotion (Little Eva)  - strong backbeat I-IV-V stuff. I learned the Twist.

Green Onions  and  

 
Telstar  the next year. Typical.1963 was more of same for seventh grade.

Louie, Louie ,

Surf City 

and Surfing USA     I didn't think so but it was all music made by a formula. It's purpose was to make money. Content didn't matter as long as the censors didn't flip-out. Fun stuff but it's hard to be passionate about.

Eighth grade was a little better starting with  

I Want to Hold Your Hand  and  

Twist and Shout , familiar songs but the performance was better. Then at the end of the year

it started with the Kinks, You Really Got Me   This was a raw performance, harmonically interesting, if predictable in content. (love sick boy)

Next year much better.

 
The Beatles were good, but the Stones played real music. Here's a sample there was real depth that year  . So far, I found out commercial rock wasn't rock and roll at all.

66-67 (14-16)








Started hearing something really different at at church dances (we had live music every other month in those days, mostly high school kids in a band). Got to know some of them. They were talking about other bands performing in the area but getting no radio time. I started buying vinyl.

Great Society

Great Society  (you get a star if you knew the song title without looking before the halfway break)

Steve Miller

 








Jefferson Airplane

Country Joe & The Fish

I snuck out to a few performances that summer

Sons of Champlin 

Frumious Bandersnatch

The Golliwogs

Santana Blues Band First seen in a store parking lot on a semi-trailer! (this recording is 2 years later)

That was it I was hooked

What Price Moral Agency?

We pride ourselves in our moral integrity. We are proud that we don't cheat, lie or defraud. We tell ourselves we would sooner suffer physical harm than deny the truth that are dear to us.  We carry on about our liberty. In the US we are conditioned to know we have rights. Most of can list them and a few actually get the list right.

How much would you sell your vote for? How much money would it take for you to pose as another person to take a test in their name? How much would you demand to bear false testimony? Don't get distracted by the criminal punishments. You can buy your way out of jail.

The number would be very large for most of us. We like to think no amount would be sufficient. But think. If a nefarious briber offered you a billion dollars, would you? After all with that much wealth, you don't have to care what others think. How about a million. That's about a lifetime's income for each of us. You needn't care what others think of you with that much in the bank.

"But wait!" you say. "It's not all about money". Perhaps not. So what happens if we add respect and power to your bribe? What if no ill comes to you as a result of your dishonorable act? Would you change you mind?

Is it moral integrity if it has a price? Does moral integrity have a value?

In my faith, the creation story tells us that before the creation of the Earth, even into a begining-less existence before mortality we had two traits: capacity and agency; we could become something greater and we could choose what we become. It was us the first that caused us to come to Earth and the second that made it meaningful. We believe that God cannot take these from us and remain godly, neither can we take from each other without coming under condemnation. Our purpose is to live a life choosing the better, greater things of our own choice. We believe that the greatest tragedies for a life is to cease growing and to give up our power to choose to someone else. We believe we shouldn't give up our agency for any price.

On that foundation, let's look at a scenario. An eighteen year old from a family of very modest means has a desire to improve herself, to further her education with a college program leading to a degree. This person looks around to choose a college which will provide this to them. The cost does matter, the family doesn't have much means to finance it. So colleges with a low tuition offset by scholarships and grants are preferred. In searching they conclude that a college subsidized by their faith is the best value for the small amount of money. She applies and is accepted. With one catch. For the time spent at that college, she must give up the right to choose how to dress, how to groom  herself and how to worship.

Should she go to this college, sign the pledge that she will accept other people's choices in these areas? Is her opportunity to go to college worth that much? At what price does she sell (or lease if you must) her moral agency?

Silly season

I case you managed to miss it, there was a particularly rude and offense action take by a BYU-Idaho Testing Center employee Tuesday.. The semester ends in 10 days, lots of students are taking tests and studying for finals.

A young woman completes her studying and heads into the Testing Center for her test. She is told she can't come in. The problem? Her jeans are too tight.

There are women in skinny jeans in sight, taking their tests, why can't she? Jeans too tight.

You see this woman is "curvy", meaning she is blessed with ample hips. Her hips just don't fit the standard pants sizing model. She either buys them the right length and a little tight in the hips or loose in the hips and too long and baggy.

Despite appealing to a Center supervisor (finds her jeans acceptable) she is denied admission.

Next day she goes to explain missing the test to professor, in the same jeans. He finds no problem and gives her permission to test late without penalty.

No problem, right? No there is a problem and its more than a jerk working at the center who is rude and disrespectful. You see, this particular dress code only applies at the Testing Center. Apparently tight jeans are a hazard to test taking. Really? No so in Provo or Laie.

The standard appears to be if you can discern the true shape of the leg, shoulder or torso under the clothes you pose a distraction to the community. And boys will be boys. Every rational thought will fall out of their over heated heads because they finally figured out what a woman looks like. Apparently this happens all the faster with women with Rubenesque figures.

Folks, let this 60 year old tell you a secret. At 18 I already knew. I'd seen Rubens, Titian, Gaugin and Bottecelli nudes in the museum. We don't lock them up. I think that today the vast majority of young men know what a female leg looks like. Likewise a shoulder or belly. Wrapping them in denim and sending them to Idaho is not going bring an epiphany to an 18-22 year old man.

We don't blow circuit at the thought of a feminine thigh. We have a bit more control than that. You sisters are indeed beautiful but (sorry) you're not that devastating.

Let's all be adults shall we. Chose your clothing responsibly. If you dress provocatively to get a man's attention, how long are you going to keep his attention? Try attracting us some other way that is lasting: brains, skills, humor, empathy.

Young men, be adult. That woman who is showing all that eye candy is not terribly selective or subtle, probably emotionally clumsy as well. Not worth your time.

University - we'll be adult if you promise to be adult too. Stop with the silly make a rule game. It's not productive or instructive. The message you send is that we can be childish and stupid as long as we stay in the box. What happens we are out in the real world with no boxes? Let's both grow up.

Cognitive dissonance is the prelude to learning

Cognitive dissonance is the prelude to learning.The more confused you are, the more ready you are to learn a better way.

Understanding your role is less important than being you.

When thoughts go in circles it's time to dance, not march.

No amount of studying of ancient texts, meditation or prayer will tell you what direction to go when you don't know what you'll do when you get there.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" was his response.
"I don't know", Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat, "it doesn't matter.”

When we get no answer to a prayer, the answer may be "do what you think is best".

Fear creates confusion and paralysis.

Don't ask "who am I?", be who you want to be.

Fictions, romances and dramas are never real. They are a way of imagining, a way of pondering our self. We never find our dream mate, we find a messed up, imperfect, insecure, confused and guilt-ridden partner who surprises us with respect, love and devotion.


We are complex, there are no simple explanations of who we are.
Be careful in unmasking people. Sometimes they are only the mask.
The purpose of life is to understand the purpose of life is to understand the purpose of life. Otherwise it's just make babies and die quietly.

Be!  
You can't see yourself in a mirror. When you look really closely at your reflection you don't see the back of your head. The back of your head only exists in another mirror.

Who would Jesus be?

There is an answer to the question but we've forgotten what we asked.

If eternal happiness begins after death then it's not eternal is it?