Fear of success

The fear of success has a name: procrastination. We are conditioned to think that success brings us power. We're not comfortable with power. We all know stories of people who become intoxicated with power, bringing pain and suffering to those around them and ultimately destroying themselves. It is this theme that runs through the stories of Macbeth, Oedipus or Frankenstein in which power destroys those that have it.

What power does success have that is so fearsome? I think it is that successes stand on their own: when we succeed we are the vanguard. We've gone where we haven't before. We know more about where we are than anyone else. We are the expert. There is nobody else to ask what to do next. That shakes our confidence. What if we are wrong? Do the same rules apply here as do in that comfortable place we came from? Maybe we have gone beyond the limits without knowing that we have. Everything will change.

Few people are fearless. Few people have endless confidence. They usually die early. Those feelings of fear have a purpose and that is to keep us alive and functioning. In that principle is our key. The fears are there to maximize our chance of evolutionary success. What is evolutionary success? Adequate food, water, air and making babies. That is a very limited field in which the fears have a positive functional purpose. Everything else is adoptive behavior. Those fear patterns are easily applied to social interactions, career choices, creative work, etc. However, that is not what they were made for, we might be using a hammer to drive a screw or open a jar: it can work, but its not well suited to the task.

Recognizing that fear is a eight pound sledge hammer is the first step. Succumbing to your fears may work, but it is not necessarily the best way.

Our life is not a changeless stasis, like a rock. Our life is homeostasis, a balancing act between a changing environment and basic needs. We stop changing when we are dead. Life is change, change is life. Life is not about a steady progress toward a goal, it is extracting the greatest joy from what we do today while being moved by age, circumstance and opportunity to our future self. We can look back as our lifeboat is swept down stream in horror and dismay, or we can turn forward to enjoy the ride down the river, bringing new sights and experiences.

"I've become so used to who i  am i don't know if i could be someone else, even if that was the person i really wanted to be. " [sic]

If we are lucky, we're comfortable, or nearly so, with our present selves. Becoming somebody new can be frightening. We have to leave that comfortable, if confining, world. Perhaps our skeleton grew faster than our muscles and we're a bit clumsy, can't quite dance right or haven't developed a graceful carriage yet (if ever). Perhaps we're a bit overweight because food is just too seductively rewarding. Perhaps we have desires to develop in ways that we don't have natural talents. If we have a desire to be a graceful dancer, walk with a confident air, adopt a slimmer healthy body form, or act, sing, make music, write stories or challenge our mind; that involves change and change means risk. Learning to sing means making a sound: it may not be a good sound. Diet and exercise are work, we may despair and give up. We might not even look better when skinnier: it's a risk.

Maybe our friends will be jealous or intimidated by our new beautiful, skinny, graceful and talented self. Our success might be seen as their put-down. Maybe we'll lose all those friends. Or, all those changes just won't mean a thing. Maybe nobody cares.

Give up now, avoid the last minute rush.

OR

If smothering your future with your comfortable pillow isn't what you want, take a risk. Instead of risk avoidance try risk management. Learn to gauge the dangerous changes and take measures to reduce the dangers of failure. Be incremental, sneak up on the big change.

The cure for stifling fear is not bravery, it's courage. A brave man does a dangerous thing without thinking of the risks, a courageous woman knows the risks and does it anyway for greater reward.

Every one of us has a dark, slimy place deep down and well hidden in our souls that is so very familiar. This is the place where we are worthless, ugly, failures, talentless and unnoticed. We go there all the time. We're afraid others might get a peek at this place and find who we really are. BUT, it's not who we are and we want more.Choose to be the idle sleepwalker or crazy dreamer? Those are the only choices in life. Joy comes from acting, doing, trying, loving, singing, dancing, in short risking. Fear is from hiding, avoiding, limiting, in short, leting all the good things pass by.

BAD CHOICES

What is the worst that can happen? What if what you really want is bad? Maybe you want to live as a surf bum. Maybe you want to hook up with your boy/girlfriend/multiple friends. Maybe you want to abuse drugs. Maybe you want to pierce or tattoo the places that your momma is never going to see.

I'll tell you it won't be much fun after a while, you will lose good friends and people will make you suffer for it.

My advice is try not to make your choices the really bad ones: they're "bad" because enough people have tried them and gotten hurt. Try not to follow stupid examples. Stupid hurts.

GOOD CHOICES

You've got a plan. You're going to be everything that's good and admirable and desirable. Secret #1: you won't have it all; Secret #2, what you sacrifice will be worth it; Secret #3, there is no rule or plan that will get you to ecstatic joy; Secret #4, no plan survives the first struggle; Secret #5, obedience to a plan or set of rules will fail; Secret #6, understanding the principles of what gives you joy will make joy possible.

A few suggested principles:
A. Be kind to those you meet
B. Love them all
C. Be who you want to be
D. Be honest with yourself and others
E. Be nice
F. Find God
G. Be God
H. Never fear failure
I. Learn why you failed, don't do that again
J. Be curious
K. Seek intelligence
L. Ask why, a hundred time a day if you need to.
M. Ignore others' standards
N. Have and keep your own standards
O. People matter
P. Money and things don't matter
Q. No fear can survive your strength
R. Be happy
S. Tell yourself "I'm beautiful" every day
T. Life is a song: dance and sing
U. There is no purpose to life other than your lasting joy, find it
V. Happy people make us happy: make them happy.

Phoebe

I know a woman who I'll call "Phoebe". Phoebe has a challenge. It effects every minute of her life, it limits what she can achieve, it makes it hard for her to fully benefit from her faith, it even makes her opinions about herself suspect.

Phoebe doesn't look afflicted with problems, in fact she uses her energy to make up for her lack of inner enthusiasm..Most people think she is the positive "energizer bunny" type. She has achieved many worthwhile things. Phoebe is talented, charming and well behaved. But Phoebe has a secret.

She hopes nobody notices that she doesn't take any risks.

Life hasn't been easy for her. She is acutely aware of her failures but hopes we overlook them behind her "get on with it" attitude. She feels that just keeping up a good front is all she can do. By defining herself that way, she makes it certain that it is all she can do. She wants us all to treat her as if she had succeeded where she has not.

Phoebe is Phoebe's own worst enemy. She doesn't understand that everyone loves Phoebe, that all her efforts to keep up appearances just wear her out and don't do much to improve her standing with us. It's hard to improve your standing when everyone who knows you thinks you are amazing already. But she keeps at it, running feverishly just to stay in place. What's really wrong?

Fear.

Phoebe is afraid of failing. She is afraid we'll find out she is a complete fraud. She's afraid she just doesn't have "it". Her character in her opinion is just a list of "not enoughs". She looks in the mirror and past the beauty there, counting every wrinkle and blemish since she thinks she is plain or ugly. She doesn't show her brilliance, instead settles for the lesser degree of achievement which she is sure to reach. She substitutes order for creativity. She substitutes obedience for principle. She substitutes elaborate planning for organic growth. She lives by the rules rather than risk the struggle.

The Bible asks us "Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?", [Mark 4:40] and tells us "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." [I Timothy 1:7]. Fear gives way to faith, but we have to banish our fears to make a place for faith to work its miracles.

Phoebe knows fear, it is a long time companion. Her upbringing was in a tradition that used fear and guilt to exert power. Phoebe doesn't like fear but it is familiar, there are no risks clinging to fear. She is trying to fill herself with loads of faith but doesn't see that she must exile fear or faith will not have the ability to make itself a home.

Fear is hopelessness and powerlessness, faith is hope and power. Faith requires risk, great faith requires risking all. Faith is not built up by following rules or by obeying without understanding. Faith without actions is dead.

Winter driving safely - what you haven't been told

Don't skid! Duh!

Brake smoothly. How?

Give yourself lots of room.  How much is that?

Steer smoothly.. Don't I do that now?

You've heard these all before when people are telling you how to drive in the winter with rain, snow, ice and poor visibility.

"But don't I already avoid skidding, smoothly steer and brake? How much room is lots?"

If you want those answers, I'll tell you honestly and frankly: you don't have the math or the computer to get the answer. You won't get an answer fast enough to help you. Expert drivers do it by feel, intuition and seat of the pants.

Not much help? No, but I'll give you a better way than giving up and hoping for the best. You can drive like an expert. There is a secret which if you apply you'll avoid accidents and panics. You'll even learn to enjoy winter driving. But when you learn the secret, a lot of what they told you in drivers ed will look wrong. Why Because it is.

THE SECRETS

Cars are dumb. There is no part of your car that makes a decision or knows whats going on That's why you have to get in the car. You are the brain, eyes and accelerometer. If you don't see it or feel it, the car won't do anything about it. Be aware.

Only one part of the car sticks to the ground. Your tires are important. In winter, they are your best friend. Your car never performs better than your tires. Your tires tell you what the road does. Your tires make the car do what you want to do.

The traction circle

Cars move by friction. There are two kinds of friction: static and dynamic. Static friction works when two surfaces touch and don't move relative to each other. Static friction calculated as a fraction of the weight applied to the wheel. If friction is 100% then the full weight of the wheel is available for car control. If it is 0, you have no control. Most sedans have static friction coefficients of about 70% on dry pavement. Sports cars have up to 90%. High performance cars reach 120%. Formula One racers approach 500% . On wet pavement a sedan will be about 40-50%. On snow 10-25%. On hard ice 1%.

Dynamic friction is what we are worried about most when we drive. It is sometimes called rolling friction. Its a bit smaller than static friction but is the biggest part of traction.

You need traction to turn, accelerate, or stop. To accelerate or brake twice as fast you need four times the traction or four times the distance. The most traction you can get is the weight on the tire times the friction coefficient. Imagine drawing a circle that big. Put a arrow from the center in the circle that is as long as the traction you are using. If you turn left is points left. If you turn left harder it points left and gets longer. If you turn right even harder, it points right and grows until it hits the circle. After it hits, you skid. If you put the brakes on it point up. If you accelerate it points down. Any combination of turning, braking and accelerating gives you positions between 12, 3, 6, and 9.  For example if you brake and turn left it points to 10:30 when the forces are equal.

Suppose you brake as hard as you can without skidding and then you add a hard turn to the right. The arrow points to 1:30 but it has to stay as long up and down as it was at 12:00, so even if you aren't braking any harder the tip of the arrow has to go out of the circle and you skid. This is the next secret: you can turn really hard or accelerate hard or brake hard but you can't do them at the same time. So, coming to a turn in snow, brake in a straight line until there is no doubt you can make the turn without brakes. Accelerating in snow, keep it straight until you are up to speed. Turning in snow, don't use your brake (until you learn the advanced techniques)or accelerate.

Driven Wheels

Front wheel drive (FWD) uses the front tires most, rear wheel drive (RWD) uses the back wheels for acceleration and braking, but the front wheels for turning and braking. All wheel drive (AWD or 4WD) uses all of the wheels for braking and acceleration but the front wheels for turning.  You don't get any better traction with AWD than FWD or with RWD and a center engine.

Focus

When you drive, your eyes' focus should move further in front of you as you go faster. You naturally want to go where you look. It is easy to move the car where you look. Don't look at curbs near you, don't look a dotted lines. Look yourself around corners. It's Much easier.
At 60 mph your focus should be 175 feet in front of you (about 10 car lengths) on a clear road and 200 feet in front on a congested road. Remember, at 60 mph, you can't avoid hitting anything closer than 88 feet to you if it is at the same speed and twice that if it is stopped.

It's 176 feet to stop on dry pavement, on snow 352 feet at 60 mph, on ice 6300 feet or 460 car lengths minimum. Those long stopping distances in winter are why brakes won't help you much, your best choice is turn to avoid. On ice you can swerve at about a half a foot per second, enough to avoid a car in 15 seconds, braking would take 65 seconds.

Prepared

So now that you are smart about snow, how do you put it all together?
1. Buy good tires, deep tread in the middle, aggressive pattern on the edge. You brake on the middle tread, you steer on the edges
2. Fix steering, braking and engine control problems before winter. Ignoring it is like dancing on shoes that are falling apart.
3. Practice. Work on controlled smooth curves in dry weather. Increase you speed around the corner as you improve. You should be able to balance a half full cup of water on your lap.
4. Skid. Find an empty lot and practice figure eights. Go faster until you do skid. Remember that speed (don't look at the speedometer, use your vision). You need to develop firm, controlled responses to the departures from your path. Skid again but correct it. Know why you skidded: which wheel slipped first?
5. Go-brake-turn. Don't mix them.
6. Repeat in snow.
7. Repeat on ice

ADVANCED.

 Sit properly. Legs as straight as possible when the brake or accelerator are on the floor. Support your entire back on the seat. Seat belt low and snug. In a automatic transmission spread your legs to give you a firm base.

Adjust your wheel so that your arms are slightly bent. Now cross your hand so they are on the opposite side of the wheel for the normal position: your arms should make an "X". You should not have to lean away from the seat to reach these positions. Adjust seat and steering wheel as required. Do not grab the wheel. Put your hands gently on the outside of the wheel at 9:00 and 3:00 with it touching the outer edge to your palm from the base of your first finger to the opposite side of your wrist. Gently wrap your fingers around the nubs on the opposite side. Keep your thumbs out of the inside of the wheel, you'll break or sprain your thumbs in a collision if they are inside.Caress the wheel do not choke the life out of it. You get less power to turn the wheel be gripping it hard and you give up fine control.

Now that you are smooth, learn expert techniques. Learn how to keep the arrow tip right on the circle, neither skidding nor under performing

Learn from an expert. Advanced driving is like dancing. I just can't tell you in a way you'll understand but you will learn by doing it with me.

Get some slalom time.. Practice running at the edge of your and your car's capability. You'll find there is space between max performance and total loss of control that you can use. This bit of territory can save your life, if you are familiar with it.

Learn how to fill the corners of the circle. There should be no part of a curve where you are not braking firmly or accelerating strongly. No coasting.

Learn how to pick and hit an apex. Following the lines is the worst path you can take.

Learn trail braking. It fills the entrance to a corner.

Learn why you get on the gas at the apex. Don't stumble out of your turns.

Learn how to under-steer and over-steer. This is car control, mixing a bit a near-skidding with control.

Learn two foot pedal technique. You travel about 50 feet with no input if you move your right foot from gas pedal to brake. How much is that worth in a crisis?

Practice. The difference between accident and near-accidents is familiarity with how your car acts at its limits. Foreknowledge give you the right reflexes and avoids panic. Panic produces momentary paralysis and often leads to the exactly wrong response. Practice lets you control and think when you are asking the most. The chance you you being a skilled driver without practice is the same as being a skilled quarterback without practice- nearly zero.

An interesting List By Behrooz Rostampour

How many are true statements? My comments at the end.

• The recession is over. 
• The banks are healthy. 
• Obama is progressive. 
• Corporations are people. 
• Your vote is counted. 
• Giving trillions to Wall Street saved capitalism. 
• The economic recovery is underway. 
• Climate change is not yet understood. 
• Health insurance reform equals health care. 
• Mandating the purchase of private for-profit health insurance is textbook socialism. 
• GM food is safe and healthy. 
• GM seeds increase yields. 
• Awarding a handful of companies the patent on all food will solve global hunger. 
• The Patriot Act ensures your safety and protects your freedom. 
• Hugo Chavez is a dictator. 
• Ahmadinejad is a dictator. 
• Dictators are not dictators when they open their markets to free trade and buy our treasuries. 
• Our phones must be tapped without a warrant to keep us safe. 
• Our emails must be tapped without a warrant to keep us safe. 
• The government must be able to waterboard occasionally to keep us safe.
• We may need to be named enemy combatants in order to be safe. 
• The president may need to order our execution, without due process, to keep us safe. 
• Due process is how they make velveeta cheese. 
• Habeas Corpus was only relevant in the 14th century. 
• Tax cuts for billionaires stimulate the economy. 
• Tax cuts for hedge funds and proprietary traders will create jobs. 
• We must make the tax cuts permanent. 
• Mortgages given to minorities were the cause of the housing bubble and collapse. 
• Banks have paid back all their borrowed money. 
• Mark to market accounting hid Bank of America’s prosperity. 
• JP Morgan has no interest in keeping the price of silver low. 
• The Free Market will lead to prosperity. 
• The surge worked. 
• Spending $300 billion to fight in Afghanistan, which has a GDP of $15 billion, is not evidence of war profiteering. 
• We’re making steady progress in Afghanistan. 
• A missile defense shield in former soviet republic countries protects them from non existent Iranian missiles. 
• A missile defense shie! ld in former soviet republic countries will not piss off Russia. 
• Russia attacked South Ossetia. 
• Iran has a nuclear weapons program. 
• Iran has no right to a nuclear power program. 
• The oil in the gulf is mostly gone. 
• BP will stay until all the beaches are clean. 
• The president of Honduras had planned a midnight pajama plane trip. 
• Renewable energy is too expensive. 
• Clean coal technology will power us for the next hundred years. 
• Natural gas has no drawbacks plus you can drink it. 
• Handing over public schools to hedge funds will improve education. 
• Unions drag down all workers. 
• There’s no light between Israel’s interests and ours. 
• Building 7 may or may not have fallen and/or imploded and/or burned to the ground. 
• The Pentagon has only one camera and five frames of film documenting the attack. 
• The Pentagon does not need a full audit. 
• The Federal Reserve does not need a full audit. 
• An independent Federal Reserve is essential for price control and full employment. 
• If QE 1 and QE 2 don’t revive the economy QE 3 and QE 4 most likely will. 
• There’s no danger from the Fed increasing their balance sheet 250% in a couple years. 
• The stock market is not manipulated by front-running high-speed computers. 
• The banks are working to help save you from foreclosure. 
• Austerity will liberate workers and reduce the national debt. 
• Banks, hedge funds and bondholders must be repaid 100 cents on the dollar to ensure economic recovery. 
• Social Security needs to be cut to rein in the deficit. 
• Social security is broke when you discount the $2 trillion surplus and tens of millions of workers currently paying in. 
• Medicare is despised by a majority of the country, humiliates senior citizens and may be taken over by the government. 
• Getting IMF’ed is not going to be painful. 
• The GAO has conclusively proven that single payer is the most costly health care delivery method by never providing an estimate. 
• The media is controlled by liberals. 
• A consolidated media is not a threat to democracy. 
• The public airwaves do not need to be r! egulated. 
• Handing the internet over to self-regulated telcos will assu re neutrality. 
• Assange is a terrorist. 
• Assange is a rapist. 
• Assange is a terrorist. 
• Bradley Manning is a villain. 
• Maintaining an ever growing empire and a flourishing democracy at home is very likely. Bloggers aren’t real journalists who use facts and reason to draw conclusions.
• Whoever controls the media controls the country. 

How many are true statements, only the last.

How many are treated as if they were true by the mainstream media? All of them.

How many do you believe? Why?

What Price Moral Agency?

We pride ourselves in our moral integrity. We are proud that we don't cheat, lie or defraud. We tell ourselves we would sooner suffer physical harm than deny the truth that are dear to us.  We carry on about our liberty. In the US we are conditioned to know we have rights. Most of can list them and a few actually get the list right.

How much would you sell your vote for? How much money would it take for you to pose as another person to take a test in their name? How much would you demand to bear false testimony? Don't get distracted by the criminal punishments. You can buy your way out of jail.

The number would be very large for most of us. We like to think no amount would be sufficient. But think. If a nefarious briber offered you a billion dollars, would you? After all with that much wealth, you don't have to care what others think. How about a million. That's about a lifetime's income for each of us. You needn't care what others think of you with that much in the bank.

"But wait!" you say. "It's not all about money". Perhaps not. So what happens if we add respect and power to your bribe? What if no ill comes to you as a result of your dishonorable act? Would you change you mind?

Is it moral integrity if it has a price? Does moral integrity have a value?

In my faith, the creation story tells us that before the creation of the Earth, even into a begining-less existence before mortality we had two traits: capacity and agency; we could become something greater and we could choose what we become. It was us the first that caused us to come to Earth and the second that made it meaningful. We believe that God cannot take these from us and remain godly, neither can we take from each other without coming under condemnation. Our purpose is to live a life choosing the better, greater things of our own choice. We believe that the greatest tragedies for a life is to cease growing and to give up our power to choose to someone else. We believe we shouldn't give up our agency for any price.

On that foundation, let's look at a scenario. An eighteen year old from a family of very modest means has a desire to improve herself, to further her education with a college program leading to a degree. This person looks around to choose a college which will provide this to them. The cost does matter, the family doesn't have much means to finance it. So colleges with a low tuition offset by scholarships and grants are preferred. In searching they conclude that a college subsidized by their faith is the best value for the small amount of money. She applies and is accepted. With one catch. For the time spent at that college, she must give up the right to choose how to dress, how to groom  herself and how to worship.

Should she go to this college, sign the pledge that she will accept other people's choices in these areas? Is her opportunity to go to college worth that much? At what price does she sell (or lease if you must) her moral agency?

Silly season

I case you managed to miss it, there was a particularly rude and offense action take by a BYU-Idaho Testing Center employee Tuesday.. The semester ends in 10 days, lots of students are taking tests and studying for finals.

A young woman completes her studying and heads into the Testing Center for her test. She is told she can't come in. The problem? Her jeans are too tight.

There are women in skinny jeans in sight, taking their tests, why can't she? Jeans too tight.

You see this woman is "curvy", meaning she is blessed with ample hips. Her hips just don't fit the standard pants sizing model. She either buys them the right length and a little tight in the hips or loose in the hips and too long and baggy.

Despite appealing to a Center supervisor (finds her jeans acceptable) she is denied admission.

Next day she goes to explain missing the test to professor, in the same jeans. He finds no problem and gives her permission to test late without penalty.

No problem, right? No there is a problem and its more than a jerk working at the center who is rude and disrespectful. You see, this particular dress code only applies at the Testing Center. Apparently tight jeans are a hazard to test taking. Really? No so in Provo or Laie.

The standard appears to be if you can discern the true shape of the leg, shoulder or torso under the clothes you pose a distraction to the community. And boys will be boys. Every rational thought will fall out of their over heated heads because they finally figured out what a woman looks like. Apparently this happens all the faster with women with Rubenesque figures.

Folks, let this 60 year old tell you a secret. At 18 I already knew. I'd seen Rubens, Titian, Gaugin and Bottecelli nudes in the museum. We don't lock them up. I think that today the vast majority of young men know what a female leg looks like. Likewise a shoulder or belly. Wrapping them in denim and sending them to Idaho is not going bring an epiphany to an 18-22 year old man.

We don't blow circuit at the thought of a feminine thigh. We have a bit more control than that. You sisters are indeed beautiful but (sorry) you're not that devastating.

Let's all be adults shall we. Chose your clothing responsibly. If you dress provocatively to get a man's attention, how long are you going to keep his attention? Try attracting us some other way that is lasting: brains, skills, humor, empathy.

Young men, be adult. That woman who is showing all that eye candy is not terribly selective or subtle, probably emotionally clumsy as well. Not worth your time.

University - we'll be adult if you promise to be adult too. Stop with the silly make a rule game. It's not productive or instructive. The message you send is that we can be childish and stupid as long as we stay in the box. What happens we are out in the real world with no boxes? Let's both grow up.

Holidays

Holidays and children and their twisted panty parents.

"The holidays" is that time of year we fall off the wagon. We chuck all those good intentions, eat stuff we shouldn't, buy a big pile of stuff we know we can't afford and party far more than we can survive.

The time between Thanksgiving (in the US) and Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza is when all the bad behavior comes out. It starts with a day when I eat lots of crazy food. Then we have a day of rabid consumption. I spend like someone else will pay the bill. I encourage children to want everything in the stores and why not? I want everything in the stores. Rampant consumerism is the norm for these four weeks. We're stocking up on amusements and food to keep us entertained and filled during the long dark days. I know its crazy, but I do it anyway.

Every year I scratch my head after its over wondering was it worth it. It kind strange, we are celebrating the birthday of somebody which we all know was born months later. We do it with symbols and rituals that didn't exist when he was alive or have nothing at all to do with his life. We do a good job of ignoring all he told us in this season. Parents spend less time with their children, children less time with their aged parents, but what gift does parent or child really want? Time spent together.


Long ago, before preserved food, the last week of December marked the beginning of winter. Winter was the season we starved. No fresh vegetables or fruit. There wasn't even enough grass to keep many animals alive except a few breeders and a milk cow. Everything else was harvested. The excess animals slaughtered. We salted what we could and hid a few tough veggies in the root cellar. From then on it was funky food, jerky and turnips until mid-spring, if we were lucky. Otherwise, nothing. Lent pretty much made a virtue of necessity.

So we had this last blowout party that lasted four weeks. It went by a lot of names, but today it's "the holidays". We ate like there was no tomorrow.

We've always had children, but childhood is new, dating from the early nineteenth century as reaction to the repugnance of child labor practices in the industrial revolution. Parenthood goes back to the beginning of humanity but the idea of the parents as nurturers of childhood only dates from the invention of modern childhood. The earlier model was the authoritarian parent in which the parent was the ruler and the child the subject without recourse to appeal. In the parents old age this role would reverse leaving the the aged parent powerless anciently. The idea of catering to a parent's wishes is modern and not universal even 200 years later.

Back to reality. A bit over 2000 years ago a male child was born to very young woman who was known to be pregnant at the time she got married. He was born into a family that had no wealth or status in a backwater village. We only know two events for the first 30 years of his life: he caused a commotion with the temple priests just before his bar mitzvah and his family lived as fugitives from the authorities for a few years. Otherwise, nothing of note. Then one day he and his cousin decided to become itinerant preachers. They wandered around living off the generosity of a few relatives and friends but otherwise living pretty rough. Some of the things they said got the authorities stirred up and it got so bad that one was assassinated and the other executed on a pretext. His friends kept telling stories about him and the things he said and a few believed them and kept the story alive.

The story says nothing kind about the wealthy or powerful. It says nothing about any commercial activity or consumption that is positive. It says nothing good about eating great quantities of food. It tells nothing of decorated trees or houses. It condemns nobody for disobedience of authority, adultery, inappropriate choices of entertainment or courtship practices. What it does condemn is fixation on wealth and political power. It condemns religious rigidity, lack of compassion and empathy, toleration of poverty and suffering and greed.

When the kids get greedy, when the adults get too busy, when we don't have the time for each other and when we are quick to condemn, what would He say? Maybe "forgive them for they know not what they do". What would He tell me? I think, "Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more".

As I go through this season, I try to remember that impoverished, scruffy kid from nowhere who told us to take care of each other, to do good for its own sake and to put principles above the law. I remember that He changed the world.

Spaces

A long ways back I wrote a longish poem about the spaces between us all. The feelings of that poem stay with me.

We like our personal space, it is a way we assert our individuality which we so painfully build as we emerge from childhood to adulthood. Few of us have ever reexamined the necessity of that space in later years. Its as if we fear that if we relax the boundaries a bit we'll fall back into childish helplessness.

Adulthood is spent with a good deal of anxiety about being lonely. Why? Because we only touch at a distance, true intimacy is risky and increases our emotional vulnerability. Children love without boundaries. Adults erect walls everywhere. We are secure in our little isolated islands.

But what if we did fore-go the walls? What would happen?  We could find that a lot of people are sociopaths who will rob us of all that we value. That's got to be the worst scenario. But wait, don't we have that problem now? Sociopaths are the ones who take from everyone else and put it behind their own wall. If 'normal' healthy people stopped erecting walls, wouldn't the few sociopaths keeping their walls be clearly visible? Maybe then we could finally wall them off from the rest of us and live less lonely, most connected lives. Maybe we could love without boundaries and live without fear.

The poem is called "If". Its' here on this blog. Let's tear down the wall.

Our phobic life

When entrepreneurs tell their stories a common thread is that they didn't start businesses to get rich. The successful do gain wealth but they say it was never their goal. In fact, many sell their newly successful businesses to other more mundane managers just as they are growing quickly. They have found that what really gets them excited is creation of a new thing or a new relationship.

We're not all entrepreneurs, they are an uncommon skill set but we are creative in unique ways most of which won't make us rich, powerful or famous. That bit of wisdom is merely a comment on how screwed up our economic lives are, not on the value of the creations. After all, if you create a song, a poem, a painting, a decoration, a bauble or a curious mind in just one person isn't that success?

In six decades of more or less regular breathing, a few lessons have penetrated; one being that almost everyone is born curious and creative. Tragically the majority have it trained out of their active lives by inflexible parents, jealous peers, an eduction system that values uniformity, socialization and a work world that wants to determine ones value by a short list of qualities. A few persist with the motivation, courage and originality they were blessed with and make our lives the better for it. How much better would it be if more did?

What is it that kills the curiosity and creativity? Mostly an abundance or fear and risk avoidance. We live our lives as we would walk through a mine field. We carefully consider every step, searching for anything unexpected that might be a threat. We carefully step only where others have already stepped. It's called risk avoidance behavior. It comes from fear, the message of our primitive lizard brain. In simple animals it keeps the animal alive, but how many creative lizards do you know? It  may control their lives but should it control ours? We live in a world where we are extremely unlikely to become prey or starve to death because we don't find our own food.

Keeping in mind that our inner lizard has some vestigial usefulness such as keeping us from walking in front of buses or falling down manholes, we need to put the fear out to the center of our views and stop living like phobic neurotics. Be creative. Take risks. Be curious. Live.

Teaching By the Spirit - D&C 42 and the Manuals

Adapted from another's blog: (beginningsnew)

Teaching By the Spirit: D&C 42:12-14 and the Manuals

I have been doing some work on D&C 42:12-14 and I wanted to test out my thoughts here.

A perpetual complaint about the programs is: the manuals. They are out of date, they have problematic assumptions about the roles, they don't have much "meat" to them, etc.

Today I'm going to take a look at D&C 42:12-14 and how it relates specifically to the manuals.

D&C 42:12-14 are one of the usual places we go for the idea of "teaching by the Spirit." Verse 12 commands that we teach "the principles of my gospel, which are in the Bible and the Book of Mormon." In verse 13, this is qualified by two things: one, observe the covenants and church articles (all those duties in section 20, to be precise) and two, teach "as they shall be directed by the Spirit." Finally, verse 14 adds how to get the Spirit: "the Spirit shall be given unto you by the prayer of faith" and what to do if it doesn't come: "if ye receive not the Spirit ye shall not teach."

Now, let's apply this to teaching.

First, the heart of teaching in any classroom in the church, according to verse 12, ought to be the scriptures. In the scriptures we find the principles of the gospel, and the fulness of the gospel. Any question we have, or our students may have, will be found in there. It may take time and thought to work through those scriptures, but they are in there. Using scripture, relying on scripture, teaching the students to read their scriptures: these will accomplish our ultimate goals of learning and living the gospel.

Second, all of this is conditioned by being "directed by the Spirit." What form does this take, exactly? Understanding the Spirit is the greatest and hardest thing to learn and to teach. Looking at D&C 20:45, which quotes from Moroni 6:9, may give us a few clues, however. When Moroni talks about the elders conducting meetings according to the Spirit, he lists a few things they may be lead to do: preach, exhort, pray, supplicate, or sing. I don't think this applies just to an elder conducting a sacrament meeting in early Utah history. I think a teacher in a classroom today also has these options available: a teacher might feel impressed to exhort members to keep a commandment just discussed in the scriptures. Or, a teacher might feel impressed to allow for some silent time to pray or ponder. A teacher might play music or ask the class to sing. Any of these things could take place, even during a time set a part for "teaching."

Another possibility comes from D&C 46, which came soon after D&C 42:12-14 and tried to clarify some things. In this section we get a list of the gifts of the Spirit. Here we read that everyone has spiritual gifts, and all the gifts are given to benefit each other. Many of these gifts are not things we would experience privately, but in a group setting. Perhaps one way to be open to the Spirit is to realize that every person in the room has access to the Spirit, not just us. A student can raise her hand and share an insight that came from the Spirit just as much as we can share our own thoughts by the Spirit. Also, D&C 46 encourages us to seek after all these gifts: of knowledge, wisdom, testimony, etc.

Third, we have to wonder, what if the Spirit doesn't come? What if we pray for a spiritual gift, but we don't receive it?  Does this mean we shouldn't teach? How do we make sense of that? Well, I certainly don't have the definitive answer but I have some ideas. It could be that we pray for help with our lesson outline, but the Spirit doesn't come because there is another way the Spirit wants us to spend the time in our classroom. Maybe spending time getting to know each other better or praying for someone in the class is actually where the Spirit is leading us, rather than the plan we had of opening up the scriptures and teaching a lesson. Another possibility is that we are praying for a spiritual gift or for the Spirit because we want our lesson to go well, or, we don't want to be embarrassed. D&C 46 cautioned that we can't seek after gifts as a sign, or to just to benefit ourselves (to "consume it upon their lusts" as D&C 46:9 puts it). Gifts have to be sought so that "all may be benefited." Perhaps sometimes we pray for the Spirit desperately, in hopes that the lesson won't feel like a flop. I know I've done that. It isn't in faith or in charity, but in despair and frustration. And certainly without the Spirit. I end up feeling like a said a few words, but I didn't really teach anything. Also, I think there are times where we see what we take to be a spiritual gift in another teacher (wow, his lessons are so spiritual. wow, the students really love her handouts. wow, what cool object lessons) and we try to imitate what he did rather than see what the Spirit wants us to do. When we try to force a "spiritual" lesson setting, we may be doing what D&C 46 and D&C 50 describe as following after spirits we couldn't understand. We may have had some "power" in our classroom, but it wasn't the Spirit - it was by "some other way."

So what do these three points have to do with the lesson manuals? Aren't we supposed to teach from them? And does the mere presence of lesson manuals somehow sabotage teaching by the Spirit?

First, permit me to again debunk something I've debunked before. Sticking to the "approved material" doesn't mean using the lesson outline line by line. Let me show this by looking right at the Introduction :

Elder M. Russell Ballard counseled: “Teachers would be well advised to study carefully the scriptures and their manuals before reaching out for supplemental materials." 

Note that he didn't say, "stick to the manual" but to the scriptures (first in the list!) and the manuals. The scriptures are not extraneous material, they are the primary material.

The basic foundation for the course is the scriptures. Encourage the young women to bring their copies of the standard works to class each week.

The "basic foundation" is the scriptures, not the manual. And the students should be learning right from them, every week.

Sometimes a [student] may give the correct answer in his own words without turning to the passage of scripture. When this occurs, ask additional questions to get him to read the scripture, for example, “How did Paul say it?” or “What additional insights can we gain from this passage?”

This is the real clincher for me. The instructions, in the manuals themselves, are to point to the scriptures as much and as thoroughly as possible. The answers are not in the teacher, not in the manual, but in the scriptures. I love the idea of asking the students what they learned by how it was said in the scriptures. It seems to me to encourage an open-ended discussion-based lesson time, where the students and the teacher are learning together.

And this encourages the teacher and the student to be open to how the Spirit might be guiding them. A student has as much access to the Spirit as we do. I hate to see answers overlooked because they don't match the ones in the manual. The students are thinking. They are intelligent. They are interesting. And the more we push them to think the more they will feel free to discuss the scriptures and to listen to any promptings they are receiving. And that's where the real truth is!

Left margin notations suggest teaching methods

Please note that the manuals "suggest" teaching methods. Otherwise, where is the Spirit? The object lesson, the stories, the handouts, these are all ideas. But it is up to you, the teacher, to seek the Spirit to know how it will direct you. Seek spiritual gifts. Think up ideas. But be ready to yield to wherever it seems the Spirit is leading the lesson, in the very moment.

So yes the manual is insufficient. Though it could be improved, would it ever be sufficient without the Spirit? Without a teacher seeking spiritual gifts? Without students who are thinking and receiving inspiration as well? The unfortunate thing is that too often, when teachers recognize that the manual is insufficient, they search the internet for supplements like cute handouts, sappy stories, or cool object lessons. Yes, these do dress things up a bit, but often only as a covering over an otherwise bland, Spirit-less lesson. (Elder Holland calls these sorts of things "spiritual twinkies.") These are not bad in themselves of course. A variety of teaching methods is great, but only as guided by the Spirit and not to make us look good (or to "entertain" the class - which is in essence the same thing). Seek first the Spirit, then all this is given to you. Then the Spirit can help you see that this group, this Sunday needs this song or that reminder. Or maybe a personal story. Or perhaps you are suddenly fascinated by how Alma discussed prayer and decide to spend the majority of the time on one chapter of scripture. Or after much prayer and thinking, you realize that nothing seems quite right, so you go into the classroom and see what surprises you. All of this is teaching by the Spirit. And I think it not only distracts us from the quality of the manual, it distracts us from ourselves. It isn't up to us to have a fantastic lesson. We point the students to the scriptures. We realize that God's work can actually happen in the classroom (and will!). God is in charge, we are just there for the ride!

A hard leap of faith. But I encourage you to try it. Trust the students. They will have a lot to say that will be inspiring. Trust the scriptures. The principles of the gospel are found there. Trust that God has a work He  is after, and we are just helping him. Rather than asking God to send the Spirit to help us with our plans, let us pray that we can help God with His plans.

Oh, and one more thing: let me know how it goes. :)

Things of My Soul: Finding Your Blessed Abnormality

Things of My Soul: Finding Your Blessed Abnormality

CuriousCity: Yeah, and all that

CuriousCity: Yeah, and all that: It's true, I'm a hippie. Have been since a particularly good day in 1965. I like diversity and mixing of cultures. The natural and the ...

Cognitive dissonance is the prelude to learning

Cognitive dissonance is the prelude to learning.The more confused you are, the more ready you are to learn a better way.

Understanding your role is less important than being you.

When thoughts go in circles it's time to dance, not march.

No amount of studying of ancient texts, meditation or prayer will tell you what direction to go when you don't know what you'll do when you get there.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" was his response.
"I don't know", Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat, "it doesn't matter.”

When we get no answer to a prayer, the answer may be "do what you think is best".

Fear creates confusion and paralysis.

Don't ask "who am I?", be who you want to be.

Fictions, romances and dramas are never real. They are a way of imagining, a way of pondering our self. We never find our dream mate, we find a messed up, imperfect, insecure, confused and guilt-ridden partner who surprises us with respect, love and devotion.


We are complex, there are no simple explanations of who we are.
Be careful in unmasking people. Sometimes they are only the mask.
The purpose of life is to understand the purpose of life is to understand the purpose of life. Otherwise it's just make babies and die quietly.

Be!  
You can't see yourself in a mirror. When you look really closely at your reflection you don't see the back of your head. The back of your head only exists in another mirror.

Who would Jesus be?

There is an answer to the question but we've forgotten what we asked.

If eternal happiness begins after death then it's not eternal is it?