Modesty: What it is and what it is not

Definition of MODESTY

1: freedom from conceit or vanity

2: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct

Definition of PROPRIETY

1 obsolete : true nature

2 obsolete : a special characteristic : peculiarity

3: the quality or state of being proper or suitable : appropriateness

4a : conformity to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech b : fear of offending against conventional rules of behavior especially between the sexes

Blending all these definitions together : modesty is actions or attitudes that adopt appropriate, conventional dress, speech and conduct . Modesty involves projecting a consistent image. One is not modest if conventionally dressed but outrageous in speech. Modesty is not conceited or vain or excessively focused on oneself.

The reader should notice that these definitions all imply that modesty is conformity to the ideas of others: you can't be modest in isolation, it is only when there is another that modesty is possible. Modesty is not like piety, humility or honesty which can be practiced in isolation as well as in society. Modesty requires norms which one adopts, it requires conventions and expectations to which we may conform. Modesty is a social virtue (not a moral one) which makes social interactions predictable and bounded thus less risky.

So modesty is wearing a business suit when doing business. It is not attractive but mixes visual appeal which makes others feel secure.

What modesty is not

1. the degree of skin coverage
2. the closeness of fit
3. obsessive inoffensiveness in speech or conduct 
4. lack of character definition
5. Modesty is never in bad taste
6.  It is not baggy, ill-fitting or inharmonious clothing.
7. It is not measured in inches between people or locations of hems.

Why be modest?

Aside from the conformity aspects, why be modest? If it is a virtue there has to be a compelling reason for adopting it. We are honest because it makes accurate judgements of character and ability easier. We are kind because it creates a sense of community and trust. Why are we modest?

If we focus excessively on our self then others will, with justification, feel we are untrustworthy since our motivations will be to achieve our own goals rather than some group goal, but suppose we are a good team player type why shouldn't we wear flashy, revealing, lewd or edgy clothes? "Just judge me by what I do, not how I dress." "What's the harm?"

Why do we care how others act, dress or speak, especially those we don't know or don't know well? Do we all have to meet the same standard of conduct, clarity or appearance even though we think, feel and are shaped differently? Does modesty hide our real self or does it reveal the self we want to project?

As with many things the issue is most clearly defined at the boundaries, the extremes. In this case the extremes are speech which inflames, conduct which outrages or dress that incites. First, it's not about true or false. You have to assume that the immodest person means to excite strong responses through the way they talk, act or dress, otherwise the problem becomes one of acting in ignorance. The reaction to the ignorantly immodest and the intentionally immodest is different: ignorance responds to persuasion and co opting whereas intentional acts do not. I'll leave the unintended for now. Let's focus on the intentional. The person who has the ability to answer, "why?"

What are we hiding from each other when we are modest? It could be we are hiding a vile and vulgar nature when we speak modestly, it could be we are hiding an impulsive, narcissistic or authoritarian personality when we act modestly or it could be we are ... what? when we dress modestly. One of these is not like the other. If we were immodest in dress people would see us in some degree of nakedness. But if we speak immodestly or act immodestly people may find we have flawed personalities, inappropriate thoughts or simple lack of social skills. While walking into a room in your birthday suit may not be a strong suggestion of social skill, it is not the same sort of condemnation as improper thoughts, words or acts. I can only conclude that there are two sorts of modesty, one that is concerned with propriety and control of the way one acts or speaks in society and another that has to do with the way one presents himself. The first is understandable if not justifiable as social conventions which allow each of us the find our way in social settings without upsetting or offending because of who we are. The second is seeking not to upset or offend because of what we are, after all the the shape, texture and color of our body is largely genetic with a minor impact from the degree of physical activity we maintain.

This distinction should make us want to understand what motivates it. Why is appearing in expensive attire more modest than in a simple tunic or no clothes at all? The expensive clothing calls attention to the wearer as flashy, attention seeking or bragging in a way that nudity does not. But is it fair that those who happen to be well endowed or who have been rewarded with a developed physique to be compared directly with the overweight, old, or inactive who have body shapes that don't fit the stereotypical ideal? I don't know about the fairness, if we were truly worried about giving everyone an equal footing then we would define modesty as wearing dimensionally identical tunics or robes which totally obscured the shape. To me this doesn't say "modest" it says clueless, uncritical. Baggy is not modest, it's baggy and awkward.

Real Modesty

How do we dress modestly? This seems to be an eternal controversy, but I think we have the answer. That answer is to turn to the other modesty. We know what propriety in speech and act are, we humans pick up these clues early. It allows communication without alarm. It facilitates social cooperation rather than compromising it. It makes it possible for diverse people to work and live together. So if we want to know what real modesty in dress and grooming are we can use the other modesty as our guide.

What is it?

We don't yell at people standing nearby. We develop a sense of proportionality and sympathy for the feelings of others. This can be adopted as moderating the use of styles of grooming or dress which are used to attract attention just based on visuals; however it still allows creative and expressive space for proportionate innovation. It's not whether colors should be bright or drab or about whether the hem should be above or below some joint or what should or should not be exposed, it is about does the whole appearance fit with the personality, actions and speech of the wearer.

...
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Your thoughts?

Happiness in loneliness

Feeling lonely? Having no friends make you unhappy?

Odd thoughts. Do we really need the social mirrors that others provide to feel complete?

There are 300±100 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy. That seems like a lot until you realize that is just one star every 38 square light years ( or one star every 6 light years if they were all evenly distributed, and a light year is big, about 6 trillion miles). We're pretty far apart, but consider that the next galaxy from us is 2.5 million light years away. There are a hundred billion galaxies in the universe. There may be 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars (and planets with beings on them) but this is such a big place. Everything we think of as solid and real is just a faint, thin mist in the universe. How's that for lonely?

That is usually not what we mean when we're unhappily lonely. Usually, we're unhappy because we just don't seem to be able to connect to all those people standing around us. It's not that they're too far away, it's that we're too afraid to reach out. It is emotional distance not physical distance that is the problem.

It's one of the most obvious but least believed truths that everyone else feels pretty much just like you do. They wish you would be their friend as much as you wish they would be your friend. Really, the only people that reject real friends are sociopaths. You don't need to worry about rejection if you are sincere and they are sane. I don't mean not nutty sane, I mean not I-can't-stop-stabbing-myself-with-a-knife insane.

So what's the problem; why are we all still lonely?

Fear. Fear isn't about what's real, it's about what could be. It's the negative side of curiosity. It's the price of a good imagination. If you were as stupid as a rock, you wouldn't worry about what others would do.

Are we stuck forever being unhappy and lonely?

No, not really, we just need to declare a truce in this fight with our darker side. Like everything else it starts with you. Be a friend to everyone you see. A few will be brave enough to try to reciprocate because if someone as clever, beautiful and together as you are will risk being a friend to their thoroughly plain, average and slightly twisted self, then maybe there is a chance.

Take a moment. Look without judging. Listen without speaking.It's what friends do.

Need someone just to hear all your troubles without telling you what is wrong with you? Look around. You already know many people who will do just that. Probably the ones who scare you the most.

Love is all around you.

Creativity in a windy land

Creativity is of several parts: curiosity, risk taking, unconventional thinking and holographic thinking combined in novel ways. Each of these is like lighting a candle. Each provides its own color, scent and flickering tempo that when seen together, this is the holographic part, makes a whole that is greater than the parts.

These candles of creativity are too often lit and then left to be blown out in the next gust of the winds of time and attention. Our creative work become a temporary phenomena before it has a chance to become fully developed. I've seen so many men and women start with great creative promise only to wink into twilight conventionalism.

It takes courage and patience to tend and protect our candles. It also takes perspective to not become so focused on tending and protecting that we neglect our other candles.

The wind blows forever from distant lands
Through our country to far away prairies
Tending our flames to stop the killing gusts
We reach to keep them embraced in our tender hands

The meaning of music (and dance??)

Music can enrich your life. It can edify and inspire you and help you draw closer to Heavenly Father.

 Clearly music is important to us it has been a part of the human experience as far as we know in history. The make music is human.

Music has a profound effect on your mind, spirit, and behavior.

 It does. There is scientific research showing its effects. However, it's not a simple effect. Happy music doesn't always bring happiness. Sad music doesn't always make us sad.Sometimes the effect is opposite to the classification.

Choose carefully the music you listen to. Pay attention to how you feel when you are listening.

 This is an odd approach. Sometimes the same music can make me feel good, sometimes sad, sometimes restless or sometimes irritated. There isn't a one-to-one connection between the music input and the feeling output. Something else is going on.

Some music can carry evil and destructive messages. Do not listen to music that encourages immorality or glorifies violence through its lyrics, beat, or intensity.

 Unfortunately all communication can carry evil or destructive content. This is the underlying premise of "politically correct" speech. I have yet to hear an immoral beat or intensity. Nobody has ever used the pernicious effect of a tempo or volume as mitigation for a bad act. If this correlation is true, what rhythmic pattern or amplitude produces predatory capitalists?

Is the converse true? Are there lyrics, rhythms and volumes that induce good behavior? Why or why not?

Do not listen to music that uses vulgar or offensive language or promotes evil practices. Such music can dull your spiritual sensitivity.

 How many times do we have to listen to this music to feel compelled to be insensitive? Once? Twenty times? Can we listen just enough then quit before the dire consequences? If we can't listen at all how do we know what's in the music in order to avoid it?

Where is the good music that forces us to be good?

Learn and sing the hymns. Hymns can lift your spirit, move you to righteous action, and help you withstand the temptations of the adversary.

 I think this is supposed to be the good music that forces goodness, but how does that fit with the idea of agency and self-determination?

When listening to music, be courteous to those around you. Keep your music at a reasonable volume, and remove your earphones when others are talking to you or want you to be part of their activities. Remember that the Spirit speaks with a still, small voice. If you listen to music constantly, you may not have the quiet time you need for thinking, feeling, and receiving spiritual guidance.

The first two points are etiquette not specific to music and dance 

Does this mean people who work in heavy construction, mining or boilermaking, all very loud environments, don't have the spirit with them? Do childcare providers lose the spirit because children are loud? If so are these employments and the nurture of children to be avoided?

Dancing can be fun and can provide an opportunity to meet new people. However, it too can be misused. When dancing, avoid full body contact with your partner. Do not use positions or moves that are suggestive of sexual or violent behavior or are otherwise inappropriate.

This "full body contact" phrase is the latest in a string of attempts to describe what to avoid. Does this mean contact from the waist up (or down) is acceptable because its not "full"? Why don't we just say sexual activity while dancing is inappropriate? I have no idea what positions or moves are suggestive of sex or violence short of beating on each other or mating with a partner on the floor. This just begs for a less obscure explanation.

Attend only those dances where dress, grooming, lighting, lyrics, music, and entertainment contribute to a wholesome atmosphere where the Spirit may be present.

Couldn't we just say "Attend only events where conduct and content contribute to an atmosphere where the Spirit may be present.", in which case this isn't about dance or music at all?

Overall, we need a better discussion on these topics. This isn't very convincing and a weak message is seen as hypocritical and shallow. Lastly, what happened to dance? There is not a word on the subject that addresses dance, only the music and attendees.

What the youth of the church want is not what they get

Pondering on the meaning of music, went to the source but on the way I ran into this little coincidental correlation. The most popular searches in FtSoY are:
Dress and Appearance
Sexual Purity
Friends
Agency and Accountability
Dating

What we are teaching is

YWM 2012 [http://www.lds.org/manual/young-women-manual-1?lang=eng]

Living as a Daughter of God Contributing to Family Life Learning about the Priesthood Learning about Family History and Temple Work Being Involved in Missionary Work Increasing in Spirituality Living a Virtuous Life* Maintaining Physical Health Developing Socially and Emotionally* Managing Personal Resources Developing Leadership Skills
APM 2012 [http://www.lds.org/manual/aaronic-priesthood-manual-1?lang=eng] The Priesthood The Calling of a Deacon Administering the Sacrament7 Gathering Fast Offerings Faith in Jesus Christ The Holy Ghost “A Mighty Change of Heart” “Honour Thy Father” Respect for Mothers and Their Divine Role Family Unity “As I Have Loved You, Love One Another” Following the Living Prophet Every Member Is a Missionary Serving Others Unity and Brotherhood in the Priesthood Charity Personal Journals The Word of Wisdom Overcoming Temptation* Proper Use of Agency* Pure Thoughts: Clean Language Covenants Guide Our Actions Pray for Guidance Christ-Centered Repentance Forgiveness Do Good on the Sabbath Reverence Respect for Womanhood* The Eternal Family The Plan of Salvation Continue in Prayer and Fasting Tithing Scripture Study Obedience The Sacrament Testimony The Priesthood of Aaron Magnifying the Calling of an Aaronic Priesthood Holder Missionary Work through Example The House of the Lord Sexual Purity* Honesty  Tools for Searching the Scriptures Becoming a Better Home Teacher The Sacred Power of Procreation* Decision Making* Consecration and Sacrifice The Power to Baptize Using Time Wisely* Does anyone else see the disconnect? I've put a * by the lessons which address the most searched topic in FtSoY.. It's not many. Its not that what is taught is unimportant, the topics are good ones. It is just that what youth are seeking most often is so rarely addressed if leaders follow their manuals. Clearly we're talking past each other. Here's the Google ranking again: Dress and Appearance Sexual Purity Friends Agency and Accountability Dating The whole idea that appearance and dress is top is very telling. It's a superficial issue - making bad choices in these areas have no lasting consequences, yet our youth are the most curious and confused about them. The remaining issues make some sense they are trying figure out who their friends and spouses will be and how to negotiate the difficult path to lasting relationships. Take away points?	1. We're focusing too much effort of superficiality
1. We're investing too much time in superficial issues
2. What the youth are begging for is help with friendship and sex
3. We're not doing a good job of helping them with their issues (if they knew they wouldn't be hitting the web so often) or our explanations are not very satisfying. Can we do better? How?

Reflections on why young adults leave the church

(with credit and thanks to Rachel Held Evans) Her comments are in normal face, mine in italic face


1. Young adult women leave the church because they're better at planning scripture studies than baby showers...

• It makes no sense to refuse to use a talent (a gift of God after all) simply because it doesn't fit a preconceived idea of the way that person should be. The example here is based on gender -- there are other issues too.
• The church is always looking for effective teachers, planners and ministers
• Why discard half (or a third or one tenth) of our strength?
• Which verse commands that women should plan social activities but never critical thinking activities?

2. They leave the church because when we talked about sin, we mostly talked about sex, euphemistically

• We spend way too much time on the evils of sex and way too little on the realities of sex
• We spend way too little time on sin which deadens the testimonies of the young, materialism, injustice, disenfranchisement, greed, worship of worldly talents.
• We have a pattern of teaching that when one is sexually active outside civil marriage (why civil and not sacramental marriage?) that one has lost it all; that one, admittedly unwise, choice nullifies all other choices until it is rectified. It is easier in terms of church status to repent of drug abuse, theft, fraud and cruelty than promiscuity. Why?
• We largely avoid talking about real sexual activity but spent a lot of energy creating elaborate analogies such as 'too close' dancing, immodest dress (mostly in females), steady dating, and flavors of kissing.
• We spend very little formal or informal time teaching how to create a wholesome relationship except to immerse the couples' time in church programs and scripture study.  What skills do young adults have that came from the church instruction in conflict resolution, planning, personal development? 
• What do we teach the young to do when one or both of them is less interested in spiritual matters than other interests temporarily?

3. They leave the church because their questions were seen as liabilities to be minimized, ignored or suppressed.

• When a difficult question is seen as a risk, liability, or problem it reveals one thing: that we, the questioned, are insecure in our faith.
• Real, true principles will stand up to intense questioning. Truth remains truth no matter how it is examined

4.They leave the church because sometimes it felt like a cult, or a country club, and they're not sure which was worse.

• When a church becomes more about a mortal person than a divine one, it has lost its way. The purpose of church is not worship of a person or a class of persons, it is about worship of God - three beings that have overcome the limits of mortality. Every person who lives today is fallible and imperfect. If we use them a exemplars, we risk copying their weaknesses as well as their strengths.
• Humans are social but when we use church membership, seniority or other material factors to control who benefits from church we leave God's stated principle of universality behind and with it the core meaning of discipleship.

5. They have left the church because they believe the Earth is 4.5 billion years old and that humans share a common ancestor with apes, which they are told was incompatible with their faith despite physical evidence.and statements from the church to the contrary

• This returns to the meaning of truth. Is something true only if endorsed by hierarchies? Do we really believe in Paul's admonition?
• Can we accept, as at least working truths, those things which appear to be true based on evidence?

6. They leave the church because sometimes they doubt, and church can be the worst place to doubt.

• We need two rooms for church meetings, one for the convinced and completely perfect people, and one for the uncertain, searching and doubting people
• If we avoid contact with doubters, who then are we preaching and teaching for? See Rameumpton.

7. They left the church because they didn’t want to be anyone’s “project.”

• When church destroys dignity to create propriety it has lost its way. We need to learn to humbly tolerate imperfection and deviation rather than enforce conformity. 
• See D&C 121:32-end. It's a basic principle: we don't compel, we persuade gently and with love.

8. They leave the church because it is often assumed that everyone in the congregation voted for Republicans.

• Never seen this happen in my church.
• Seriously, authoritarian, socially conservative, intolerant, plutocratic and inequitable policies are not taught in scripture
• There is no scripture addressing capitalism as the divine way

9. They left the church because when they like they are the only ones troubled by stories of violence, misogyny and genocide found in the Bible, and grow tired of people telling them not to worry about it because “God’s ways are higher than our ways.”

• A lot of the scriptures are not about God, they are about Man's failure to respond to God. 
• It is a rhetorical trap to insist on the infallibility of scripture. What has been written does not produce perfection by reading, reciting or study. More is needed.
• Those claiming to know "God's ways" usually think they are the same as their own ways. We should expect them to be as humble and teachable before God as they are with us.
• If we can't, in time, understand God's ways, we are doomed. We should worry about it if it will lead to our doom.

10. They leave the church because of their own selfishness and pride.

• We walk into church proud, selfish and self possessed. 
• Instant gratification, even when directed at godliness, is not a gospel principle.
• God has said He is willing to suffer our imperfection as we grow. Shouldn't we human beings do the same?

11. They leave the church when they become convinced they will never see a woman behind the pulpit, at least not in the congregation in which they grew up.

• If God values women, then He listens to them. He listens to their prayers. He listens to their sermons too. Who are we to deny an act of faith?

12. They leave the church because they want to help people in their community without feeling pressure to convert them to Christianity.

• Missionary work is a program of the church. Sharing love, talents and good works are gospel.
• Statistical programs emphasize behavior over belief. Which is the church?

13.They leave the church when they realized they have learned more from Oprah about addressing poverty and injustice than they had learned from 25 years of Sunday school.

• The gospel tells us to care for the poor until there are no more poor among us. 
• When we speak of injustice it usually means an act which violates gospel principles.
• When we make no personal progress in these two areas, we make no progress in our spiritual development. What are the fruits of our labor by which we are known? 
• Do we have programs that have statistical measures of the number of poor or abused we have redeemed? Why?

14. They leave the church because there are days when they're not sure they believe in God, and no one tells them that “dark nights of the soul” can be part of the faith experience.

• If what we learn in church doesn't prepare us for real life, then what is its purpose? 
• We don't live the set piece stories we are hearing all the time. 
• Not all problems have 20 minute answers.

15. They are leaving the church because one day, they see signs out in the church parking lot that said “Marriage = 1 Man + 1 Woman: Vote Yes on Prop 1,” and they know the moment they see them that they never wanted to come back.

• Reaching beyond the church to compel behavior rather than teach uplifting principle will never work. Civil law compels, always.
• When sexual behavior is used as the entire measure of a man we lose the spirt of God's word. 
• If the primal meaning of marriage is the type of people in it, why does the church permit or recognize civil marriages as equivalent to church marriages in mortality?
• Male and female are recognized as equal before the law, there is no legal basis for gender discrimination in civil law if taken to its logical end.
• The basis of gender discrimination is theological. If there is an important difference between same and complimentary gender marriage it is in the church not the community ethics,
• If same gender marriage is a violation of gospel law that means the first action is to restrict marriage to be solely the province of the church. We cannot rely on civil law to enforce church law. Denial of authority to set civil standards for civil contracts is not a church power. If the church wishes this why are they not working to ban civil marriage?

Exposing your weakness

What would you do if you knew you could  not fail?

Who would you help if you could see them succeed?

What would you sing if your voice was magical?

Who would you love if only the two of you knew?

Up and down

Another disappointing attempt. How will I ever learn this stuff if all I focus on is where I've come from? I have big dreams. The world is such a small place with everyone grabbing.

The Sun will raise tomorrow, I'll get up up and I pray I'll keep moving.

A defense of Negativity

Nobody likes hearing negative attitudes, it's always bad news. I see that, but is forced optimism or Pollyanna positivity the cure? I think not. That's swinging from one unbearable extreme to another. Truth is, neither constant positivity nor negativity is the right approach. Nobody want a bucket full of bad news nor a handful of happy talk. The heightened positive and negative tones are best as accents to decorate our attitude rather than major themes.

What is necessary is honest, objective realism: telling thing as they are. Sometimes that's positive when things are looking up, sometimes negative when we're on a slide off the edge. Mostly is just good descriptive narration on life.

All right then, what if life really is looking bad? You're coming down with the flu, for the third time this month, your tires are flat not just on the bottom but the top too, and your dog just watered your new shoes. So what do you say? Is it time to break out your emergency positivity kit? No, dispite all the happy-talk power of positive thinking types telling you to envision a better present, you still can't get more than twenty paces from a toilet, the car is not going anywhere and your feet are wet. No amount of magical thinking cleans and dries shoes, fixes a tire or chases the nasty little bugs out of your guts. Everything will get better with time and some patient work but right now it is kind of sucky. You don't have to be negative about it, it's just bad.

Take politics (there go half of you). Right now I'm living with an official who's afflicted with the half ways: he takes a good idea and finds a way to compromise with a bad idea because it makes people with bad ideas feel powerful and important.  He's not bad, just avoidant. Running against Mr Half good are a crowd of misfits. One is so much into his money games he can't relate to a normal person, another is so self-possessed he doesn't have the capacity to be emphatetic, a third is a narrow-minded zealot willing to cause pain to prove a point and finally there's a grumpy old man who sees clearly what the problems are and then proceeds to come up with solutions which absolutely make it worse.

Should I be negative because I'm stuck with Mr half-good because I can't see how there is a choice in Mr hollow suit, Mr Narcissus, Mr Church Lady or Dr Curmudgeon? You bet I should! Realistically things aren't working when your goal is to avoid making bad things worse. When all the offered choices are poor to bad, it's time for a bit of negative focus. No amount of positive thinking is going to make this bunch do good. Say it, this is no good. Then leave the party. Negative is realistic.

Freedom of religion

Freedom of religion, or more accurately freedom of belief and conscience, is fundamental but it does not stand alone. It needs freedom from persecution based on gender, culture, phenotype, or belief. If one is forced to live in a culture of injustice, making moral decisions becomes fatally distorted.

It needs freedom of access to information sufficient to determine truth or folly. Otherwise, one becomes a mere pawn of propaganda or the most persuasive fable. Religious truth withstands testing as well as truth in any other field.

It needs freedom from fear, want or illness. Practice of a religious life becomes impossible if in order to do so means dealing with threats to life, liberty or health.

Without these foundational rights, freedom of religion is reduced to the license of the sick and dying to hold their own delusions.

The West has a terrible record of abridgement of religious freedom: slave trade in the eighteenth century, imperial colonialism in the nineteenth century, genocides of Jews and Armenians in the twentieth century and materialist consumerism in the twenty first century.

We, as a culture have not learned that with religious freedom comes with a responsibility to be moderate and tolerant in its exercise. Religious freedom is not license to do as we believe without considering its consequences on others: there is no right to take from others that which we value for our selves. It includes providing for the freedom of conscience for others with whom we do not agree with in our religious principles. It includes provision for cultural space in which we may seek spiritual wisdom and fulfillment balanced with spaces for those who seek their wisdom and fulfillment is other ways. It includes a space for the use of peyote. It includes a space for those who would formalize same-gender marriages. It includes a space for polyandrous or polygynous marriage. It includes a space for open marriage. Unless we can tolerate these other beliefs in our culture, the cry for religious freedom will be understood only as another of our demands for dominance without just and equal rights for others and therefore just another attempt at unjust dominion.

When we condemn others for acts we consider immoral in our belief system, we cannot enforce penalties on those who are without our belief system unless we wish to return to a struggle based on who is most powerful to determine who may exercise their rights and who may not. Rights without justice is just a continuation of intolerance which denies rights to the majority in order to grant rights to a powerful minority.

Freedom of religious belief and practice is a foundational American right but one requiring knowledge and temperance to practice. It is not freedom to one (or a few) religions at the expense of others. Indeed, it requires recognition that mass ritual, mass worship, large buildings or hierarchies are not required to be considered as a religion. It separates the state from control of spiritual devotion but it also separates the organization from the individual: it is only in the individual that the right exists. Two individuals exercizing their rights does not outweigh one exercising her right. It is the ultimate form of anarchy for in its expression the person is as powerful as the state or church.

Consider this when you lobby for religious freedom. People have rights. Churches have privileges. Rights trump privileges. Your right to determine your religious belief and practice is only between yourself and the divine in civil law.

Solutions to untrained drivers on our roads

Why don't we train our drivers? There is no excuse. The cost is moderate and the benefits accrue every day.

See my previous posting on how our Drivers Ed course are a failure and something of a fraud.
The failure of drivers ed

These are off the shelf commercial programs that do what Drivers Ed should have done. They train you in the proper responses to driving challenges. No endorsements but they're good.

Honda Teen Defensive Driving Program

Providing driving techniques not found in a typical drivers' education classroom, the Honda Teen Defensive Driving Program puts students behind the wheel to learn skills that will be used for a lifetime. Students practice collision recovery techniques, loss of control recovery skills, bad weather maneuvers through emergency lane change, wet braking, slalom and skid car drills. Parents are highly encouraged to stay and watch the program while their teen participates. Course begins at 8:30 am with registration. Class begins at 9:00 am and ends at approximately 3:20 pm. The program takes place at Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course, 7721 Lexington-Steam Corners Rd, Lexington, OH.

Curriculum

• Discussion of driving basics, defensive driving behavior and vehicle safety
• Classroom session covering the physics and dynamics of good driving
• Wet braking drill
• Emergency lane change / collision avoidance exercise
• Skid car drill simulating weather conditions such as ice, snow and rain
• Vehicle maintenance talk

Amount of Seat Time

Paddock Drills - 3 hours

This Course is Ideally Suited For:

• Newly permitted or licensed teenage driver
• A parent that would like to take the course with their new driver
  The practice sessions
  =================================================================
  

  Skip Barber School

  1 Day Safety and Survival School Program

  
  
  The NEW DRIVER PROGRAM is for drivers who have at least a permit and 20 hours of experience. It conveys the same vehicle dynamics message made clear in the Driving School but emphasizes greater "street awareness" and a thorough review of road etiquette. Important fundamental skills, including how to operate a manual transmission, parallel parking and reversing exercises are included in the curriculum. Driving the Mazda MX-5, the Mazda RX-8 and MAZDA3 sedan, students benefit from core Driving School exercises such as braking, emergency lane change and slide recovery on the skidpad.
  
  Real maneuverability
  
  Real skills development     Do you think you can do it?
  
  Secrets

The failure of drivers ed: Ohio Driving Training Curriculum

Driver Training School Curriculum (from http://www.drivertraining.ohio.gov/resources/Drivercurriculum12-04.pdf)
[with my comments]

LABORATORY INSTRUCTION
Printed Resources
1. Digest of Ohio Motor Vehicle Laws; Ohio Department of Public Safety (ODPS)
2. Ohio Administrative Rules for Commercial Driving School, Ohio Department of Public Safety

The beginning driver must receive a minimum of eight hours of ... behind-the-wheel
instruction from a certified/licensed instructor. These lessons should be scheduled to allow supervised
practice with a licensed driver between each lesson. There are ten planned lessons for the beginning
driver in a variety of driving environments. With a practice to instruction ratio of two or three to one, the
beginning driver should be able to satisfactorily accomplish all of the planned lesson objectives.

Lesson #1 Objectives
A. Pre-ignition procedures
B. Ignition procedures (how to start the car)
C. Vehicle familiarization
D. Ready to drive position
E. Preparing to move
F. Moving forward
G. Moving backward
H. Stopping, securing, shutting down
I. Lane change [with no traffic conflict]
J. Maneuverability test  [arguably the most pointless exercise of skill ever conceived]
K. Left turn
L. Right turn
M. U-turn
N. Three-point turnabout
O. Two-point turnabout
Length of Time - 60 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance is achieved.[never seen this go longer than 60 min]

Lesson #2 Objectives
A. Entering and leaving flow of traffic 

B. Negotiating intersections
C. Identifying traffic controls (primarily signs and markings)
D. Using selective searching techniques
E. Negotiating turnabouts
F. Interacting with other users  [huh?]
Length of Time - 45 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved.

Lesson #3 Objectives
A. Entering and exiting an angle parking space
B. Entering and exiting a perpendicular parking space
Length of Time - Thirty minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the planned
objectives is achieved.

Lesson #4 Objectives
A. Vehicle control at higher speeds [first time over 35]
B. Increased sighting distance
C. Orderly search pattern
D. Identifying traffic controls [more sign ID?]
E. Identifying highway conditions
F. Planning ahead   [how do they teach this??]
G. Lane selection and position within the lane
H. Negotiating multiple lane intersections
I. Selecting a safe gap for crossing or entering traffic
J. Communicating  [with whom? ]
K. Moving lane changes [ were previous lane changes not moving?]
L. Negotiating and parking in shopping centers and malls
Length of Time - 45 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved.

Lesson #5 Objectives
A. Search, Identification and Prediction
B. Maintaining adequate space margins
C. Interacting with a larger number of highway users [shouldn't interactions be avoided?]
D. Negotiating a variety of intersections
Length of Time - 45 of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the planned
objectives is achieved.

Lesson #6 Objectives
A. Maintaining a constant speed when conditions permit
B. Entering and exiting expressways
C. Cooperating with other drivers who are entering or exiting
D. Demonstrate satisfactory search to reduce the risk of real/potential hazards
E. Demonstrate satisfactory communication [fluff]
F. Measuring distances with time [acquiring this skill requires many weeks of practice, how long is allocated? 5 minutes!]
G. Passing
H. Using the motor vehicle’s cruise control safely and efficiently
Length of Time - 40 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved.

Lesson #7 Objectives
A. Entering and exiting a parallel parking space
B. Parking on an uphill and downhill grade
C. The driver will demonstrate and practice the maneuverability test as identified in the Digest of Ohio
Motor Vehicle Laws. [way too much time on a skill which isn't used on the road]
Length of Time - 70 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved. Of the total time, 30 minutes should be devoted to performing and
practicing the maneuverability test.
Lesson #8 Objectives
A. Identifying and responding to negative roadway conditions
B. Identifying clues for side roads, driveways and other problem areas
Length of Time - 40 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved.

Lesson #9 Objectives
A. Maintaining adequate space margins
B. Timing driving actions
C. Selecting paths of travel
D. Communicating [fluff]
E. Selective searching in relation to selected maneuvers
F. Negotiating complex intersections
G. Interacting with pedestrians [plan: don't interact, avoid them]
Length of Time - 40 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved.

Lesson #10 Objectives
A. Preparing to drive at night
B. Using selected visual skills to increase identification
C. Using selected visual skills to improve vehicle control
D. Using selected visual skills to reduce glare
E. Speed control and tracking
Length of Time - 30 minutes of instruction per student or until satisfactory performance of the
planned objectives is achieved.

Time spend on emergency braking? zero

Time spent on emergency actions in a high speed curve? zero
Time spent on correcting skids, understeer or oversteer? zero
Time spent on collision avoidance maneuvers? zero
Time spent on identifying and coping with vehicle limitations? zero
Time spend in rainy conditions? zero required
Time spent in snowy conditions? zero
Time spent in icy conditions? zero

Most frequent fatal accident location? Rural
Cause of accident?  Single vehicle, departure from road accounts for half of the fatalities (intoxication is only involved in one third)

What to make this?  The big problem is controlling the car in a high speed, open environment. The maneuverability test has no impact on this. Most of the curriculum doesn't address this. The driver never learns what to do when something goes wrong. There is no recovery plan which can be used in a moment of need because this requires training. It requires the training that the state doesn't provide. Many people think since it's not required for licensing, it's not important. Ohio has two people die every day because it is important. Many of those are under 18.

fights

Muhammad Ali just had a seventieth birthday celebration. He earned his fame by being a fighter not just in a boxing ring but in real life. In his real life fights it wasn't one on one in a ring, it was masses against one lone man. He fought racial discrimination, religious intolerance, commercial greed and ultimately the government in the country that was his by birth but not by custom or conscience.



I've had these kind of fights too, not as glorious or wide reaching but nonetheless tough ones. I've had the more mundane fights as well, for independence, social justice, better gender roles, bad days and against incompetence.

My parents and teachers told me often "don't fight". I'm still not sure what they had in mind. Were they counseling passive submission to all that life brings to me? Was it really "don't fight authority"?

Why fight?

At the primal level we all have a fight or flight response that kicks in when something threatening happens. We're wired to either run away or beat on the threat. Not very common occurrence for most of us. Our civilized lives keep the wild animals and wild people away most of the time. Not a whole lot of fighting required. Funny thing is we still have the reflex, even though we rarely use it as intended and don't expect to use it often. In the fight against natural threats, we've kind of won.

Fighting makes you feel bad

Nobody likes the huge adrenaline hit, racing heart, twitchy muscles, and fast breathing that comes with a fight. You don't feel too good afterward: sleepy, achy and kind of weak. Everybody knows this. So don't fight?



Reasons to fight

No, we still have to fight, maybe with less physical intensity than our ancestors but there are still things that require at least a threat of a fight. So what reasons are sufficient?


Wild animal attack
        Not a frequent event for most of us.
Marauding savages
        Time to move and get some new friends.

Aliens!
        OK, folks the only alien you're going to see is the one working on the rich guy's lawn. Don't fight him, he's just hungry. Better to fight the rich guy until he shows some kindness to the poor.

Injustice
         When someone takes what is not his, even if he rigged the laws to make it appear to be his, that's not right. We should fight to make it right.

Manipulation

  Most of all, the assumption of authority by those that don't use it for good. When the guys you are hanging with hurt people and make them less, time to leave, they're not your friends.

Jesus didn't tell the poor it was their fault and that they needed to fix their own problems, he told the rich, the powerful and the self-righteous to do that.

authority

au·thor·i·ty

1. The power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience

======================================================================

re·spon·si·bil·i·ty

1. The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something.

2. The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
 =====================================================================

ac·count·abil·i·ty

: the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions accountability

==============================================================

Authority is one of a kind of power, it devolves from one of greater power, a sort of feudal hierarchy of might. It is done by commandment

Responsibility is a kind of accountability, it devolves from a delegation of accountability, usually because the delegator doesn't wish to be held accountable.

Both accountability and power are assumed, usually willingly and often voluntarily. They are democratic virtues. Sometimes, they are a burden to be carried for a time and then happily surrendered, as Cincinnatus. The tenure of responsibility and authority is left to the discretion of the overlord and are authoritarian values.

it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.  ...  men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;  For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. -- Doctrine and Covenants 58

ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you. -- Helaman 14

 Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth, was not created or made, neither indeed can be.  All truth is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also; otherwise there is no existence.  Behold, here is the agency of man, and here is the condemnation of man; because that which was from the beginning is plainly manifest unto them, and they receive not the light. And every man whose spirit receiveth not the light is under condemnation. Doctrine and Covenants 93

Do we have authority or priesthood power? Are we responsible or accountable? The power of agency is neither created nor made. Our accountability is in our wise use of agency. Neither is by delegation or commandment. At the existential level, we are plainly not responsible or authorized, we are accountable and powerful. However, we are not powerful merely to gratify our greed, our prejudices or whims: our power must be used for good (D&C 121:41) or it ceases to be. We are accountable before God for doing good.

Notions such as responsibility, authority and obedience have crept into our wisdom and speech from feudal sources in which a despot holding worldly power replaced a perfected being who was accountable, powerful and wise because he was good. These feudal concepts still cloud our vision of our purpose and divert us from holiness to submission to authority, or from accountability to responsibility and from agency to mimicry. It is time to put aside the lesser values and take up the greater values, eternity accepts nothing less. We don't train for 4-foot hurdles by practicing on 2-foot hurdles.

It's my birthday

January 14 is my alternate birthday. Why? Here is a story ...

Here is my story

Pretty - Ugly

 
Ugly is a word we use to think of ourselves  frequently. We also use "fat", "old", "stupid", and "dumb". We hear those words when we wake up, when we arrange our hair, when we brush our teeth, our friends use it, even we use it about our self,  its why we don't try to make a friend and it's what we are thinking about as we fall into sleep.

Semi-tragically, we can't all be ugly, fat, old, stupid and dumb. That is as impossible as all of being above average. Just doesn't work that way. ugly, fat, old, stupid and dumb are all relative ideas. It really has do with being "more ugly than him/her", there is no pure ugly.

Not much help? We have changed from plain ugly to "uglier than _______". Big deal!

No, it helps, really. Let's think about the scale from ugly to beautiful, or fat to skinny, or young to old, or stupid to smart. Who makes these scales? We can't go to the bureau of standards and find the beauty-ugly scale in a box. It's really just a judgement call, an opinion.

When it comes to opinions there just two: mine and somebody else's. If we spend our life reacting to somebody else's opinions we'll just go crazy. It's easy for someone to make judgements about you, it costs them nothing. We bear the consequences, not them. Generally, it's just a bad idea to give the opinions of others the power to control our choices.

 Ask yourself, "Am I ugly?" Whats the answer? Remember there is no pure ugly so your answer has to be "no".  So maybe its just that you're uglier than Angelina Jolie?

What about "I'm uglier than Angelina"? How do you know? Better hair? Straighter nose? Taller? Slimmer? Isn't that just wishing you are something which you are not? That's not beautiful or gracious. What is inherently uglier about a rounded nose versus a long straight one? Is tall and slim always more beautiful than short and fat? (look at Rubens' portraits of women. He thought they had great beauty and they are a bit fat by today's standards)


Was he wrong?

So its all relative, nobody knows and its all a fraud. You are beautiful, strong, smart and graceful; just act the way you want to be and be the way you act.

What do you think?

You're only pretty as you feel
Only pretty as you feel inside
You're only pretty as you feel
Just as pretty as you feel inside

When you wake up in the morning
Comb your hair
Rub some sleep from your eye
Look inside your mirror
Don't give vanity a second chance
No, no, no
Beauty's only skin deep
It goes just so far 'cause
You're only pretty as you feel
Just as pretty as you feel inside
You're only pretty as you feel inside

Now you're feelin' good
Now you're feelin' pretty
Now you're feelin' good
Now you're ready to face the world girl
Go out there 'n' knock 'em silly girl
Go out there 'n' show 'em how to thrill
'Cause you're only pretty as you feel
Only pretty as you feel

Beauty isn't merely pretty, or perfect, or attractive. It includes harmony, grace, dignity, confidence and the love that shines from inside you to light your world. We can't fix our nose (rhinoplasty hurts, a lot), grow six inches taller or even do much about our shape (you can lose weight and tone muscle but your genes determine where the fat comes off first and last, which may not agree with your plan, so if you're 38-38-42 you might get to 35-34-38, but not to 36- 30-36). You can however become more confident, dignified, and loving. Work on what you can improve.

Take some risks.

Find your skin.

Looking into the pit

I have stage fright. I didn't think I still did. I thought I had left it behind with the girls I never asked out, the journeys not taken and the paths never chosen. Nope.

Some of you know I've been taking weekly music lessons, the over-the-top gift from mdw, who undoubtedly was as frustrated with my directionless hours with guitar as I was. So now, I've got direction but at a cost. My teacher (above) tells me the next step is public performance. Really public. Not invite the family and close friends but a real public venue. Scary. Stand-up with a band and play scary.


I am a mixed up bag of talents: comfortable in harmony or music theory, no songs memorized, quick to learn progressions, still struggling with finger position: I can reach four frets at the low end of the neck (I need five) but with fingers too fat at the bridge end. Kind of like skating in gravel.

I'm not feeling ready but I want to do it. Really, I've had enough practice playing the fool, looking silly should be no challenge. My goal is to do it about a month from now. Maybe something bluesy.

Trouble in Mind

D7 D7 D7 A7 D7 A7 Trouble in mind, Lord I'm blue D7 G7 But I won't be blue al-ways D7 B7 E7 A7 D7 The sun is gonna shine in my door, shine in my back door someday    D7 lick (G G# A7) I'm gonna lay, lay my head On that lonesome railroad line And let the 2:19 train ease my troubled mind Trouble in mind, well Lord I'm blue now I won't be blue al-ways The sun is gonna shine in my door, shine in my back door someday    instrumental break I'm going down, goin' down to the river I'm going to bring some wine that I can share And if these blues don't leave me, Lord, I'll have to ride away from here Trouble in mind, trouble in mind I'm blue now But I won't be blue always And that sun's gonna shine in my, lord, shine in my back door someday I'm all alone - I'm alone at midnight And the lamp is burning low I've never had so much trouble, in my whole life ever before Trouble in mind, Lord I'm blue now But I won't be blue always And that wind's gonna come - it's gonna blow my blues away...

Chords: D7 G7 B7 E7 A7 G#7 D lick (G)(G#)A7 e |-5--3--7--7--5---4------------------------ B |-7--3--7--9--5---4------------------------ G |-5--4--8--7--6---5----7---7---7----------- D |-7--3--7--9--5---4---7-7-6-6-5-5-4-------- A |-5--5--9--7--7---6------------------------ E |----3--7-----5---4-----------------3-4-5--

[to be continued]

Folk-rock

It's pretty much a dead genre now. That's kind of inevitable since the songs are all traditional, non-copywrited, or public stuff. No producer wants to spend much recording or publishing them. It wasn't that way in the middle 60s. There was huge cadre of folk trained musicians that had a chance to go from starving folkie to wealthy rocker, based on performance pay. It's one of the hidden reasons that this was such a creative, productive period in American music: the performers got the cash.

In my musical journey this is where I started.

Let Me In http://youtu.be/9-WB-Ip_37c  this version didn't make it past the censors, can you tell me why?

Let Me In Live performance, censors no longer cared, http://youtu.be/DiGq22ZnF0Y  a year later

Questions, http://youtu.http://youtu.be/zDjmmCvTH7obe/zDjmmCvTH7o

Spanish Harlem http://youtu.be/szvM7xJ6ql4

Folk rock was a happy blend of socially conscious protest and a good back beat. Folk music could be awfully whiny and even distressing, but folk-rock at least had a good rhythm and often more interesting harmony than the back-country arrangements that folk used. Finally though its hybrid nature killed it: the folk purists hated its musical innovations and the rock purists hadn't listened to the word as a message anyway.

Music - the seduction

I thought I was pretty much normal when I was in fifth and sixth grade. I listened to top forty music on the radio. That was 61/62 the music was Chubby Checker, Del Shannon, Everly Brothers,.
 
Runaway  was a favorite,

as was Locomotion (Little Eva)  - strong backbeat I-IV-V stuff. I learned the Twist.

Green Onions  and  

 
Telstar  the next year. Typical.1963 was more of same for seventh grade.

Louie, Louie ,

Surf City 

and Surfing USA     I didn't think so but it was all music made by a formula. It's purpose was to make money. Content didn't matter as long as the censors didn't flip-out. Fun stuff but it's hard to be passionate about.

Eighth grade was a little better starting with  

I Want to Hold Your Hand  and  

Twist and Shout , familiar songs but the performance was better. Then at the end of the year

it started with the Kinks, You Really Got Me   This was a raw performance, harmonically interesting, if predictable in content. (love sick boy)

Next year much better.

 
The Beatles were good, but the Stones played real music. Here's a sample there was real depth that year  . So far, I found out commercial rock wasn't rock and roll at all.

66-67 (14-16)








Started hearing something really different at at church dances (we had live music every other month in those days, mostly high school kids in a band). Got to know some of them. They were talking about other bands performing in the area but getting no radio time. I started buying vinyl.

Great Society

Great Society  (you get a star if you knew the song title without looking before the halfway break)

Steve Miller

 








Jefferson Airplane

Country Joe & The Fish

I snuck out to a few performances that summer

Sons of Champlin 

Frumious Bandersnatch

The Golliwogs

Santana Blues Band First seen in a store parking lot on a semi-trailer! (this recording is 2 years later)

That was it I was hooked